Disclaimer: Everything down below are my personal opinions. I'm in no way affiliated with any corporation, especially The Bachelorette or ABC.
*Week One Recap here if you need a refresher!
*Week Two Recap here if you need a refresher!
*Week Three, Part One Recap here if you need a refresher!
*Week Three, Part Two/Week Four Part One Recap here if you need a refresher!
*Week Four, Part Two/Week Five Recap here if you need a refresher!
So when you take away the soap opera "Veins and Vanity" element of the show AKA Chadageddon you just get regular, ol' Bachelorette. If that floats your boat, fine. But I personally don't have a lot of patience to watch 6-8 white men fight over some girl who is basically playing all of them with each other. I'm still going to watch and review due to the fact that I started and I'm halfway invested, but my interest level has gone down by a thousand. Human nature is a funny thing. Everyone was complaining about Chad's confidence, about how he was the villain and that they needed to take him down but 70% of the guys have picked up the remains of his terrible personality and worn them on for size. It's unattractive, unflattering and hypocritical. I'm going to say right now that after tonight I'm rooting for James T. He's the only one who hasn't flat out annoyed me out of the remaining guys after the rose ceremony. Spoiler alert; James makes it through. I just wanted to let you guys know this review is probably going to be less in depth because I give a significant amount of less fucks than I gave 3 weeks ago.
Alright, so the crew heads out to Buenos Aires this week. The episode starts off with the most staged conversation between Chris and Jojo, which I don't care to rewatch but I'm sure she went off about how torn she is to how amazing these guys are. Just a broken record, you know.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE:
I'm surprised Wells got the one on one date. I'm surprised Wells is still in the competition at this point, honestly. He's the one guy that hasn't kissed her and he's the one guy who's had about 39 seconds of screen time with her so far. All I remember is this poor, confused, 11th grade almost passing out during the fire fighter challenge in Week 2. Speaking of Wells not kissing her, we get a montage of guys saying in various ways that there's so much pressure to kiss her that it will build up and not be as expected. And when I say a montage, I mean a freaking montage. For about 3 minutes it's guy after guy just yapping on about Wells not being able to do it right. Then they do it and I actually smiled because it seemed like they had a real moment! Then she doesn't give him the rose and Wells' world probably just fell apart, hahahaha. It kind of made me sad in a way to see him go because I thought they had some actual chemistry during the whole water slide kiss thing but it wasn't there for Jojo. Lol, uh, bye Wells. Jojo crying in the rain inside that club or whatever, that was hilariousssssssssss.
GROUP DATE:
Jubilee James is so nervous, I feel really bad for him. Aside from Alex I get it. The guys are taller than him, in better shape, everything the show loves to amp up. James is the only guy I really actually like at this point, he's relatable, a bit on the shy side and he's not afraid to show his feelings. One thing about Jojo is she has been trying to pry emotions out of these guys the entire season (and she's still just sitting there complaining about Jordan and Chas not showing feelings) when James wrote a freaking song about her or something. Then they play soccer and I guess James is the only guy to get the ball past the goalie so that makes up for him not being the "sexy dude" in the house. Haha, okay. Oh and Jordan's stomach is "so hard" apparently.
Everything about Jojo makes Luke want more. Everything about Luke above the neck makes me want less. Apparently Jordan and James were playing Go Fish, or Uno and Jordan was being a brat about the rules of the game so James things he's entitled. Instead of spending his time with Jojo productively, he kept Jordan's name in his mouth the whole time and just went on about how entitled he was (oh, and they kiss. but...lol). Jojo confronts him, then gives James the silent treatment for a while but confronts him about yapping his mouth to Jojo. Then Jojo doesn't give the rose to either one of their asses...but Luke gets it instead. Haha, okay.
"I don't think I'm better than anybody in this house." "If you don't think you're number one, you shouldn't be here"
TWO-ON-ONE DATE:
Derek swears him and Jojo have a deeper connection with Chase and Jojo and throughout the whole date I agreed with him. It's not even Chase's fault, I just feel like as a child Chase was manufactured in China to not have emotions. The last piece of pie and Jojo would have a better connection than Chase and Jojo have. In all seriousness, Derek/Jojo really shined during the tango number. She didn't look "uncomfortable" with Chase, but I definitely could feel the chemistry with her and Derek. The way they looked at each other was fierce and passionate. Chase looked like he just woke up. The point is, Jojo picked Chase instead of Derek and I have absolutely no idea why. I also have no idea why the montage of Chase/Jojo dancing and Derek bawling in the car was as long as it was but hopefully that little stunt gets him to be the next Bachelor or something because he's much better than Chase, in nearly every sense of the word. No offense, but offense, Chase.
COCKTAIL PARTY:
Jordan showed emotions, I guess. Hearing Alex talk in the background is still awful. Luke's forehead still looks like the wifi symbol. Poor little James is still just out here trying his darndest.
Rose Ceremony:
1) Luke
2) Chase
3) Robby
4) Jordan
5) Alex
6) James
What. A. Let. Down. I knew James was probably going home but I was really, really hoping he would have taken Alex' 3'3" ass out the door with him. But after a whole fuss that made it seem like she was sending them both home, she sent nobody home. Great. Awesome. That's great, but that's not how the show works, Jojo. We're stuck with this sorry group of saps for another week. Yay...
"I don't want a pity rose." Alex, bitch, you look like a pity rose.
EPISODE GRADE: C+
Guys, it wasn't good.
*Week Four, Part Two/Week Five Recap here if you need a refresher!
So when you take away the soap opera "Veins and Vanity" element of the show AKA Chadageddon you just get regular, ol' Bachelorette. If that floats your boat, fine. But I personally don't have a lot of patience to watch 6-8 white men fight over some girl who is basically playing all of them with each other. I'm still going to watch and review due to the fact that I started and I'm halfway invested, but my interest level has gone down by a thousand. Human nature is a funny thing. Everyone was complaining about Chad's confidence, about how he was the villain and that they needed to take him down but 70% of the guys have picked up the remains of his terrible personality and worn them on for size. It's unattractive, unflattering and hypocritical. I'm going to say right now that after tonight I'm rooting for James T. He's the only one who hasn't flat out annoyed me out of the remaining guys after the rose ceremony. Spoiler alert; James makes it through. I just wanted to let you guys know this review is probably going to be less in depth because I give a significant amount of less fucks than I gave 3 weeks ago.
Alright, so the crew heads out to Buenos Aires this week. The episode starts off with the most staged conversation between Chris and Jojo, which I don't care to rewatch but I'm sure she went off about how torn she is to how amazing these guys are. Just a broken record, you know.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE:I'm surprised Wells got the one on one date. I'm surprised Wells is still in the competition at this point, honestly. He's the one guy that hasn't kissed her and he's the one guy who's had about 39 seconds of screen time with her so far. All I remember is this poor, confused, 11th grade almost passing out during the fire fighter challenge in Week 2. Speaking of Wells not kissing her, we get a montage of guys saying in various ways that there's so much pressure to kiss her that it will build up and not be as expected. And when I say a montage, I mean a freaking montage. For about 3 minutes it's guy after guy just yapping on about Wells not being able to do it right. Then they do it and I actually smiled because it seemed like they had a real moment! Then she doesn't give him the rose and Wells' world probably just fell apart, hahahaha. It kind of made me sad in a way to see him go because I thought they had some actual chemistry during the whole water slide kiss thing but it wasn't there for Jojo. Lol, uh, bye Wells. Jojo crying in the rain inside that club or whatever, that was hilariousssssssssss.
 |
| It looks like they're hurting each other. |
Everything about Jojo makes Luke want more. Everything about Luke above the neck makes me want less. Apparently Jordan and James were playing Go Fish, or Uno and Jordan was being a brat about the rules of the game so James things he's entitled. Instead of spending his time with Jojo productively, he kept Jordan's name in his mouth the whole time and just went on about how entitled he was (oh, and they kiss. but...lol). Jojo confronts him, then gives James the silent treatment for a while but confronts him about yapping his mouth to Jojo. Then Jojo doesn't give the rose to either one of their asses...but Luke gets it instead. Haha, okay."I don't think I'm better than anybody in this house." "If you don't think you're number one, you shouldn't be here"
TWO-ON-ONE DATE:Derek swears him and Jojo have a deeper connection with Chase and Jojo and throughout the whole date I agreed with him. It's not even Chase's fault, I just feel like as a child Chase was manufactured in China to not have emotions. The last piece of pie and Jojo would have a better connection than Chase and Jojo have. In all seriousness, Derek/Jojo really shined during the tango number. She didn't look "uncomfortable" with Chase, but I definitely could feel the chemistry with her and Derek. The way they looked at each other was fierce and passionate. Chase looked like he just woke up. The point is, Jojo picked Chase instead of Derek and I have absolutely no idea why. I also have no idea why the montage of Chase/Jojo dancing and Derek bawling in the car was as long as it was but hopefully that little stunt gets him to be the next Bachelor or something because he's much better than Chase, in nearly every sense of the word. No offense, but offense, Chase.
COCKTAIL PARTY:Jordan showed emotions, I guess. Hearing Alex talk in the background is still awful. Luke's forehead still looks like the wifi symbol. Poor little James is still just out here trying his darndest.
Rose Ceremony:
1) Luke
2) Chase
3) Robby
4) Jordan
5) Alex
6) James
 |
| How I feel about Alex making it through another week. |
"I don't want a pity rose." Alex, bitch, you look like a pity rose.
EPISODE GRADE: C+
Guys, it wasn't good.
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