Disclaimer: Everything down below are my personal opinions. I'm in no way affiliated with any corporation, especially The Bachelorette or ABC.
Prior to 2016, you'd probably more likely see me at a campaign rally to cancel The Bachelor than in front of my television set actually watching The Bachelor but that all changed back in January. You guys got a brief view of that when I had to get some of the girls together for giving my girl Jubilee a hard time. Jubilee proved herself to be, well, not the shiniest light bulb in the box at The Women tell all episode:
"I don't think I said that. I don't remember saying that. I didn't say it. But if I did say it, I'm sorry."
I've constantly asked myself why people tune into this show. My grandma accidentally tuned into the "Officer and a Gentleman" season because she actually thought it was the movie "Officer and a Gentleman" with Sydney Poitier. But the more I watched it the more I became enthralled watching these women fight each other over a man on ABC at 8 o'clock when there are literally billions of them out there that would kill for a chance with any of the ladies on the on the show. I stopped watching when Jubilee left (well, after Ben left Olivia stranded on that damn island because why wouldn't I watch that?) but Ben told two of the girls he was in love with him, and then told Jojo "I love you but I love her more..." I wish I was there to witness that live as it was being aired. And then you have Olivia likening a death in Ben's life to her cankles, and Lace out here crying and secretly hiding behind doors and white girls crying in bathrooms while Ben tells her that he's also in love with someone else... This is just pure trash entertainment and I'm excited to be covering it this season! Well, as much as I can take...
Instead of a real review, since this wasn't technically a true first episode (just an introduction), I'm just going to briefly talk about most of the guys:
There's Alex, the military dude who does push ups because he's that desperate to impress Jojo. Honestly when I saw Ali playing that song for Jojo I was laughing because you go to my high school's music hallways there are guys playing that with one hand tied behind their back . I wasn't impressed but it was entertaining to see Jojo act like she was. Brandon looks a 2006 American Idol reject (and his listed occupation is hipster...). I think Luke is the one Jojo thinks is hot because he doesn't talk. Grant is one of the light-skinned dudes who I described as "the booschie light skin bore". I don't remember Derek, Nick Sharp, Nick B, James F, Chase speaking. One of the Nicks was St Nick AKA Santa, I believe?
Wells brought this Boyz II Men ass quartet but wouldn't it have been more impressive if he was one of the singers? Shit, I would be swooning if he Wanye'd up that couch they were sitting on. But nah, he just bought four guys to sing for Jojo whenever he snaps his fingers. I just remember Vinny from the block had his stallion jaw clenched when it looked like Jojo wasn't going to pick him. I kind of hope she doesn't put him through next week just to see him pop off because he looks like he has a temper. Not as bad as Chad, but we'll get into that in a second. I don't know why Robby's hairline reminds me of a kiddie pool but there was just something about him standing there, scared he wasn't going to get picked by Jojo that gave me watermelon slice. 
I don't know why Will made it through (aside from "Will will...blah blah" when he got the rose, that was cute) because it just felt like he was being babysat by Jojo or something another. All I have for Christian is "the other lightskin" but I think he was the dude who swore Jojo was going to pick him but I don't remember them talking once during the episode? James S' occupation is, and I quote, "Bachelor Superfan". I don't really have anything else. Evan's facial hair just grinds my gears. I actually really liked James T. He was really goofy with her and he was one of two Texans, and the other one gave her cowboy boots to remind her of home... That's sweet and everything but I'm from Maryland and I could of thought of something more Texas than boots.
Here brings me to the three highlights of the night. First off, I really, really hope Daniel stays. He's a hot ass mess who low key shaded her for not being on the Internet to know what "Damn Daniel" was (even though, pretty sure she's been locked up in a house with crazy girls for the past three months), got drunk, annoyed Evan by poking at his belly button (because apparently "you don't mess with another man's belly button" .......), stripped and jumped into the pool. I need more Canada in my life. I don't know exactly how I feel about Jordan yet? He got the first impression rose and he earned it. I think him and Jojo look really good together and their chemistry is undeniable but it's the first week, so, we'll see. 
Chad is the one to watch this season. From the way he was talking mad shit about all the other guys in the confessionals and smiling to their face to him swearing that they had some sort of magical connection, I think it's safe to say we've found our Olivia for the season and I personally can't wait. I was hesitant to check out The Bachelorette because guys literally just dab each other up and move on from their beef but Chad is getting all up in several of the white boys' faces and calling Jordan something like a ex-quarterback reject and I am personally ready to sit tight and get my life.
Clearly it's the first week so it was a bit dry, but it's definitely leading to some more fun stuff so I'll be generous with my grade.
EPISODE GRADE: B
Side note: Ugh, that dude showing up right when Jojo was about to start the rose ceremony was absolutely ridiculous. He popped up and stole her away right before she was about to talk? And he just wanted to give her advice? Ever heard of an iMessage?
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