Warning: This contains spoilers for the bulk of the third season of Hit the Floor! If you haven't seen it, go watch it because what have you been doing with your life, girl? If you have...why are you still reading this? Review after the jump!
I know the finale aired last night, I'll review that at a later date. However these thoughts and these storylines were all written prior to it airing and is only a review for the episodes I've missed up until the finale.
OSCAR FRAMING SLOANE
Sloane's been a hot ass mess all season. She got stalked and kidnapped, her kidnapper forced her to write a suicide note that said she killed Olivia (even though she didn't). If it wasn't for Sloane showing some boss moves and stabbing him with a pen and running out, she would have probably been dead by now. Peter moved Sloane into witness protection, or something, and Kim Wayans of all people was one of her body guards. After she got her to confess some things about Olivia (including that she wanted to kill her at one point), it was revealed her black ass (and the kidnapper) were working with Oscar to try and frame Sloane for killing Olivia. After she gets out on bail, German finally confesses and Sloane's storyline is about as alive as Olivia.
STORYLINE GRADE: B
JELENA & TERRENCE BUYING THE DEVILS
Jelena and Terrence were hard pressed to buy The Devils this season. They bought out the arena and were working with almost everyone to try and buy the team off of Lionel. There were a few battles here and there but what ultimately ended up happening was Terrence and Jelena being seconds away from buying the team and Oscar (after Lionel got him out of prison) cutting the deal off by threatening the dude's family. Oscar allows Terrence and Jelena back on the devils, but, I mean...he's up to something with his no neck ass.
STORYLINE GRADE: B
LET'S TRY AND HUMANIZE JELENA
Also, Adrian from Secret Life shows up clean the hell out of nowhere pregnant and claiming it's Terrence's baby. They get a DNA test, it shows Terrence is the father, but that wasn't enough for Jelena and she did some digging and found out that Adrian had the test doctored by one of her friends in order for it to look like it was Terrence's baby. I personally believe that she's pregnant by Ricky but he's still pressed over Amy so she needed to find another father for the baby (that's a Secret Life of the American Teenager reference for those of you who don't know). This forced Terrence and Jelena to consider having a baby, but not before Jelena confronts her father (who abused her mother, and essentially scared her out of having any children in her future). After she confronts him, her and her mom vow to have a relationship. The only thing that bugs me about the "development" of Jelena is the fact that...she's still a cold hearted bitch. It's cute that we're getting her back story and learning more about why she is the way she is but it's not taking care of anything for us, she's still complete horse shit and it doesn't look like she is absolutely ever going to change. And Karma is a sweaty bitch named Alberta because turns out Jelena can't get pregnant. I hope Jelena stops being a bitch and can have the baby eventually when she's not such a devil worshiping bitch.
STORYLINE GRADE: B-
DEVON CARTER, ASIA & DEREK TRIANGLE
I mean, what's there to say? Devon (Carter) and Asia (I don't care to spell her name correctly) are together. Derek breaths on her neck and she has sex with him and lies to Devon about it. Devon gets in a car crash and when he's injured on the couch he reveals to Asia that he killed Olivia. Now that she knows Devon has now idea how to control his damn temper, she's a little iffy about telling him that she just fucked the one guy he would be most hurt by her sleeping with (...and with good reason, because when he finds out, he goes batshit and slams him into a glass trophy case). Devon and Asia break up and he wants absolutely nothing to do with her until she calls him up (because Sloane is arrested for Olivia's murder, and she knows Devon did it) and asks him to confess. He confesses but when he gets sentenced, Rick Fox' ass (Olivia's husband) shows up and stabs him. So he's in the hospital trying to kill himself now because he's too scared to go to jail but eventually finds his strength after he talks to Raquel (in a strangely beautiful scene) and faces up to what he's done and accepts it. My only problem is...he did all this for Asia? She ain't anything adjacent to shit. She's pretty, but that's literally it. She let the devil girls consume her, and Devon let it consume him as well. In all fairness, their crazy asses were perfect for each other...but she's with Derek now because apparently that's OTP. Okay?
STORYLINE GRADE: C
JUDE/ZERO
The first half of the season, I couldn't stand these two (mostly Zero, Jude came through for me). Zero was absolutely jealous as hell of Jude trying to move on from him because he didn't want him to move on because the ass is too bomb or something. Eventually they sleep together in a coat closet, but Jude realizes it was just another hookup that didn't mean anything and refuses to speak to Zero until he admits what they have is real. ...Which he does. ...In front of the entire country when he makes out with him after a televised basketball game. After that, I started to be a little more okay with their relationship because Zero stopped exhibiting such reckless fuck boy behavior and all of this made Jude stronger to deal with his evil ass daddy. Zero gets a bunch of offers now that's he's out and proud, one is a book deal that looks into his back story a little more so him and Jude go visit the foster home he grew up in and discovers they have a sister who they end up tracking down. I really hope his sister is Kyle, or that it's something insane and she's a man now (like Ugly Betty) but it's probably going to be something mushy, which I'm okay with, Zero still needs all the humanizing he can get.
STORYLINE GRADE: A-
KYLE/RAQUEL
Kyle and Raquel have been my absolute favorite relationship this whole show which makes the tragic end of Raquel's life all the more painful. I'm not sure what's more painful: Raquel dying, or Raquel spending her last moments alive with Jelena's bitch ass. Raquel is diagnosed with a heart condition that gets increasingly worse as the season goes on and she ends up fainting in front of Kyle. Her heart condition has become fatal and she has to stay in the hospital. When Asia and Sloane found it, it was sad but also a bit cringe-worthy because we were forced to see Asia act like she was sad...and we all know she has no idea how to act. Like, at all. It's all good, because it leads to the most beautiful scene in the whole series. Asia and Raquel have a fun drive around town one last time before she brings her to a beautiful field where The Devil Girls perform a beautiful dance in tribute to her. It's no doubt my favorite dance scene in the whole show, if not my favorite scene in the whole show. It was a beautiful end to one of the kindest, most genuine characters the show has ever written and she will absolutely be missed. Also, Fifty Shades of Kyle started and ended production (more like crash landed into the end of production) but it's all fine because we got to see Kyle and [insert name here] square off against each other in a lesbian kiss that was seen around the world. Literally. It set off some buzz for the movie, which was not good news because Beau (Kyle's boo thang) lured a bunch of investors to the movie by promising them each 50% of the profits thinking the movie would tank because they would make it so terrible. However, they destroy the footage and proclaim their love for each other so...great.
STORYLINE GRADE: A
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