BOTTOM V. BOTTOM
Landon won't shut his annoying drunk ass up and keeps trying to flirt with Justin's naked, mute ass in the bed. Justin booty hole is CLENCHED. He is tense and not saying anything except "Jeffrey." When Landon goes out of his way to crawl his stupid ass on top of Justin, Justin's grabs him by the throat and starts choking him. Based on the preview, I thought he was choking Landon because if he can't have his award winning top nobody can...but Landon was asking for it. At one point I thought he was going to scream how hard he was from getting choked by Justin (but apparently Landon isn't into that). He finally gets the message and leaves. Justin needs to go home and make some sandwiches for his kids to take the lunch tomorrow morning. He's out in the streets sneaking into other men's hotel beds, proclaiming his love for someone he met on Monday (story-wise in this show) and yelling at Jeffery about how he can't stop thinking about him (girl, you're probably just thinking about the TNT on that bomb dick). Justin starts alluding to Jeffrey "changing him" then Jeffrey tells him he's always been this way, probably sucking off prisoner's in the back of his patrol car. Justin gets mad like he's about to punch Jeffrey (in the UGLIEST fighting pose I've ever seen) like that's not what he did to Jeffrey the FIRST night they met. GO. HOME. AND. RAISE. YOUR. KIDS. JUSTIN. Justin seems to think Jeffrey is egging him on so he hits him and has a reason to leave when Jeffrey has been saying to his face that he doesn't want him. Then, bitch, without a WORDDDDDDDDDD, Veronica opens the door with her camera on record and gets a clear shot of Justin's married, officer ass face, the condom on the night stand and Jeffrey's face. When her and Jeffrey leave, Justin just stands around with his hands on his hips, posing for [insert gay magazine). He picks up a chair and throws it at a mirror in slow motion and screams out "FUCK!!" Why has Tyler started writing in that level of profanity if they have to bleep it out? Regardless, Veronica saved this scene for me because I fell on the floor screaming with laughter. She didn't say ONE word. An icon.
Jim meets Oscar at the hotel (when did this show become The Suite Life of Zack and Cody??), where Oscar tells Jim that War's number keeps changing. Jim asks him for a phone so he can talk to War and Oscar says he needs War on the phone for twelve minutes to pinpoint his location. The worst part is, knowing Tyler Perry, it's safe to assume we're going to hear all twelve minutes of this conversation. Every breath, every repeated word, every sniff of crack in the background. Everything. Ericka keeps checking to see is David is still asleep when she calls War. Ericka tells him that Candace is at the hotel but she doesn't know what room. He's still super pissed that she didn't give him all the money she conned out of Jim so he almost flips a table over when Ericka even alludes to calling the cops on her. He wants her because he wants to torture her. I got sick of this storyline by episode ten last season, I couldn't care less how mad War is over money that isn't his (™Hanna). Jim is on the other line, trying to tell him that Mama Rose is ready to kill him and also offering to help him out with his warrants. War's heavy headed ass hangs the phone up so Oscar isn't able to track the location. He pulls up the news and Jim finds out about Jennifer's body being found in the middle of the street. The time line for this show is so fucked up. David wakes up, asking Ericka who she was talking to but she just says room service. I have never heard David say "sexy as hell" but he said it twice, and I didn't expect that. Right before he and Ericka are about to fuck, because Veronica's crazy ass turns Ericka on, Jim calls and tells David to meet him downstairs. Jim tells David Mama Rose is pissed because War took a shot at Mitch and Jim can't find him. David offers to talk to her but Jim reminds him that they are the reason War is out of jail. David calls Katheryn, because she won't answer Jim, but she doesn't answer the phone to him either.
Mitch calls Veronica, asking her to be Benny's lawyer. She tells him she's already met with him and that she's in the parking lot of the police station so they agree to meet in the lobby. Mitch goes to the lobby and Hanna is there (bitch, my leg's already twitching at the thought of Hanna and Veronica seeing each other. She asks Mitch if he knows what's going on, he doesn't and then Katheryn comes in. Mitch says he talked to Benny's lawyer but Katheryn has no idea what he's talking about because her guy hasn't called her back yet. In walks the ice queen, proclaiming she will be Hanna's saving grace. This being Hanna, of course she does everything in her power to change this. Hanna, girl, just take this L and get your son out of prison. Benny is literally all Hanna has so whatever she has to do to get him out she should just do. Veronica tells Hanna to get on her knees and beg her nicely to see Benny but Mitch asking nicely is enough to suffice her. Some agents come in to Benny's interrogation room and tell him they need his DNA, because Mitch is a Malone and he family is being investigated for organized crime so they're tied to a Syrian terrorist organization. Okay? This is too much. He finally agrees to give them his blood.
Candace is trying to get her old number back when Charles comes into her room. It. Broke. My. Heart. When she said that she was trying to get her old number back in case her son was trying to call her. #TellCandaceBoutHerSon2017! Charles tells her to call Hanna, because she has custody, but Candace just wants to know how he knows all of this. He wants to give her a new start, to wipe her slate clean but she's still being cautious. Her history of trusting rich strangers isn't very good. For some reason he really likes her and wants Candace to be around him when he's president. He tells her it's legit because he cleaned himself up. He lost me when he outright called her a project and said he wanted to make her one of the president's regulars. Candace will only agree if he makes her first lady and he doesn't agree. He also tells her that there's a catch to all of this: pinning Quincy's murder on someone else. Benny. Yikes.
Wyatt and Anna also present this week.
EPISODE GRADE: B
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Storyline grades:
Justin/Jeffrey/Landon: B (because of Veronica)
Jim/Oscar/David: B-
Hanna/Kathryn/Mitch/Veronica/B...You get it: B
War/Ericka: -keyboard malfunctions-
Wyatt/Anna: Who?
Stray notes:
-I can't handle Veronica's slave voice.
-Justin proclaiming his love is so insincere.
-"I have never enjoyed this until you." Lmfao, so you've been fucking men your whole life and not enjoying it??
-"The guy on the phone is not worth mentioning." Anna on Oscar. I've never agreed with her until now.
-David doesn't know what "extra" means.
Worst sexual innuendo(s) of the night:
None this week so we're just going to go with a classic!
Celine: I'm so glad you followed your heart!
Jim: I wasn't following my heart. I was following my hard.
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