We weren't even ten minutes in and there so much bullshit is flowing out of Rusty's mouth I'm pretty sure I'm in need of some toilet paper. How do we get this started? Rusty hears Randal scream out to Marcie that he and Alex have a baby together and, naturally, runs from the porch to Randal looking like he's on Looney Tunes. The two of them go at it for a little bit, Rusty is just exhaustingly racist and rude at this point. Eustace from Courage the Cowardly Dog runs back into the house to confront his wife (Maggie? Mary Sue? Lemon? I still don't know her name) about the baby and she reveals to him that the baby is indeed back. After we get more of the name calling and racism, he asks for the gun she apparently always carries around and she claims she doesn't have it. But Brad comes out and the two of them start to fight when Rusty won't leave and Brad starts to read the hell out of him for raping Alex and Maggie (I don't know the wife's name) pulls the gun out of her coochie or something and shoots past Brad, scaring him into easing up and they run off and drive away. Hopefully to hell. Brad gets a call from Marcie, who put all the bullshit in her past and just wants to get this spin-off (Brad & Marcie Take East Atlanta) greenlit, who informs him that the apartment is ready...but I doubt he's moving any time soon because he seems to be coming around to Alex with these two crazy ass parents she has.
I don't really know if there's much to say about Kelly and Ramsey? Their scene was pretty boring this week, aside from Kelly calling him gay because he was single and buff. Which wasn't funny, if not a little uncomfortable to watch her try and beat around the bush as the two of them were trying to plan out their first "date". To be fair, Ramsey started it by calling Kelly one of those "girls" who falls fast and hard but Kelly didn't really help her case after she started implying he was gay or a slut. ...I don't know, I just didn't really get the relevance of the scene because it seemed more like a filler scene as opposed to a scene that we've been waiting for since they first met each other. It felt more like me wanting them to just agree to the date so the scene could be over. Of course it led into the much more relevant scene of them finding Alex on Kelly's back porch. When they get inside, Alex pleas to keep her location a secret from everyone but Brad's at the door and pushes his way in before he starts to cry (I think...? There were no tears but there were crying sounds) and he apologizes for everything he's done and it's really touching...but...damn, Brad was SO PETTY. Brad was trying to get revenge on her and he succeeded...but at the cost of what? His humanity? It looks like he's beginning to own up to his own fault in the downfall of their marriage (post-finding out Alex was cheating) but only time will tell.
So...Eddie has his shirt off, panting on the couch as he answers Esperanza's phone call and...to be honest I don't really understand the relevancy of this scene. Eddie's a whore, who sleeps with random women while on duty while Esperanza is at work and she catches him. But this isn't the first time, and based on past experience it won't be the last. He does this to her because she allows him to. Every time his eyes start to fill with tears and he tells her that he'll be a better man for her she gets weak and lets him back into her life. Eddie had sex with some random girl who used Alex' perfume, he snorted coke of of his chest with some random girl and how he's sleeping with some random girl on the couch and had the nerve to answer Esperanza's phone call. And blah blah, Esperanza catches him and kicks him out but this won't be the last time. And the best part was that Ben was supposed to be keeping watch the whole time and just failed to see Esperanza walk right past his dumb ass.
At the station, Claudia runs into Lushion. First off, she reveals Pete has a four year old son even though he looks like a four year old himself. But the show completely forgets that detail, so I will too. Claudia keeps trying to convince Lushion to go out for drinks with her but Lushion keeps telling her it's unprofessional and that she needs to back off. At first I thought Lushion was feeling himself a little too much because all she wants to do is go out for drinks and he seems to be blowing it way out of proportion but then she insists that he gets her number and that's when I realize Claudia's actress was back at it again. Apparently she was supposed to be hitting on him, or something, while Natalie pops up out of nowhere (I saw Joey in the scene with her earlier, and there's only so much Joey I can take, so I just skipped it and have no idea why she's there. The gag? Natalie's standing there eyeing her and Claudia STILL thrusts the piece of paper with her number on it in his face. I simply died, and so will Claudia when Natalie's done slicing that ass.
EPISODE GRADE: B-
This was an entertaining episode, as many episode of ILYIW are, but there was something off. I wasn't as charmed by Kelly and Ramsey as I usually am, there was so much redneck I saw red on my screen for a minute and Claudia is still trying her hardest to act. Julius/Randall was definitely the most entertaining part of the episode. My usual segments really don't apply to this episode because Miss Louise didn't fix anyone's life this week, Joey didn't get any burgers (or have to bleach) and Brad wasn't a savage.
"YOU HAVE A LITTLE BLACK GRAND CHILD?!"
"Alex. And I. Had sex."
"Mom...I think he's hard of hearing."
"BOH!"
"Oh, he's black."
"You got at least one drop of negro in you, well, you a negro!"
"I knew when you drove up to my house you were coming with a bag of tricks. Just like all you Russians!" So he clearly just doesn't hear the British accent.
EDDIE IS THE BEST:
"About to hit this crime scene." He's hittin' something.
"Slow down, bitch."
"Even if I did have a girl at my house it wouldn't matter."
"Gran your stuff, get out."
She got that dress on fast as shit.
I know there ain't no cameras here, who told you?
To Ben: You ain't worth a damn. Well, when you're right, you're right.
I'M NOT CRAZY:
-344 imaginary birds died for Julius' father's sins.
-Randal didn't look scared because his crazy ass probably did all that shit when he was younger.
"Cats, birds, chickens *clunk*"
"I also cut myself [Three Stooges voice] Would you like to see?"
*shows Randal his dick*
*shows Randal his ass* "See that?! That's where I want you and my father to KISS MY ASS."
"Does that turn you on?" ...Bruh?
"I turn you on!" ...Bruh?
"There was no coc...well, a little bit of cocaine."
So what I'm getting from this is that Julius' ass is just crazy because he...is.
LOVE AND HIP HOP: TYLER PERRY
"When you've been around as long as I have." Lushion, haven't you been here like a month?
-That last shot of Natalie, Lushion and Claudia looked STRAIGHT out of Love and Hip Hop New York.
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