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Back to the bullshit. So Esperanza is still nagging Kelly to go check the crime scene out...even though she has no idea if some psycho is about to come jump out and get Kelly next. Kelly's scared out of her mind because she thinks she saw a dead body and refuses to go in. The cops show up, and that's when she sees Travis parked watching her and then he zooms off (hopefully on to whatever Lifetime Original Movie that has the guts to actually kill his annoying, irrelevant ass off). The cops show up, Miss Louise is actually still alive and goes to the hospital. When she gets better I just want them to ship her back to Chicago or wherever she came from. I just want Miss Louise to be safe somewhere where she can sip cocktails and binge watch Grace & Frankie. I'm a little salty she keeps telling everyone Brad is the one who broke into the house and kicked her ass, but girl, just get some care from the hospital and go away. Speaking of which, Steven (I don't know what his official title is but he's always at the police station with a suit on, you know who I'm taking about) asks Kelly if she knows where Brad is and Kelly says no. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Speaking of Kelly, let's get this scene with her, her baby daddy and Aunt Viv out the way. The prison calls back and she's on a conference call with Justice's father and his mother (you guess it, dark skin Aunt Viv). Aunt Viv is going IN on Kelly for never visiting him after he took the fall for her and not letting her see her grandson. Out of context, what Kelly's doing seems pretty bad. She's ignoring Justice's father and hasn't told him about him for what seems like nothing that major. Sure, he's in jail, but he went for protecting Kelly. Like I said last week, he's currently tied for the most sane guy on the show right about now. Until we get some more background, I'm on his side, not Kelly's.
So...are Ben and Julius in a monogamous relationship now? Is it some kind of sugar daddy situation? Because their entire scene sounded like it was written to be the second worse gay porn scene, like, ever (the first was Officer Justin and Jeffrey on HAHN...yikes, I'm cringing just thinking about it). Alright let me give some background. Eddie sees Julius locked up and lets him out, before becoming the 73rd person to treat Andrew like absolute trash basically calling him and idiot rookie that needs to shut up and learn his place (btw, isn't Ben a rookie too? Why does he have any room to talk?). He lets Julius go and Ben follows him out into the parking lot where he basically prostitutes himself for crack, or something. I wouldn't be surprised if "pure Colombian," Julius was referring to his dick. The way they were talking to each other, and watching Ben get so close, was uncomfortable. 
Alex is still in her car driving (hopefully to hell?) trying to call her mom. Virginia, the mom, finally picks up and tells Alex she has no idea where the baby is (probably lying). But how this bitch gon' call Alex drunk, call the baby a bastard then say "maybe it's for the better" all in one breath? Is it bad that I was laughing my ass off anytime Virginia said something ridiculously cruel to Alex? I mean, are rednecks really this crazy? Are Trump supporters feeding lines into Tyler Perry's ears? That was some sick shit! Speaking of the rednecks, Randal is still locked up in some box screaming and hollering when some liquid starts to get poured into the box through the cracks. Either it's lighter fluid or they're about to drown him. Either way, Randal is probably screwed unless his fairly odd parents come to the rescue. Girl, wouldn't it be so funny if Cosmo and Wanda popped their fairy asses into the box and granted him a wish??? But yeah, Randal's fucked.
Now, look. Tyler, you know I love your shows. Your programs are the definition of a guilty pleasure. But I'm gonna need you to stop ending episodes with Marcie getting her entire scalp snatched by some crazy man. You did it last year with Randal, I'm still not over it, and now we have Brad reminding us how crazy his ass is. Alright let's back up a bit. The scene starts off with Marcie and Brad in the middle of the same boring conversation they've been having since, what it's felt like, months. Their phones keep going off and Marcie finally answers. It's Kelly, who explains that Randal's mom is hurt and that the police think Brad is responsible. Before she even has time to react, she lies and says he isn't there to Steven, hangs up and asks Brad if he wants to explain what's going on. His answer isn't verbal. He snatches the top of her scalp and drags her head back. I have no idea how that bitch's neck didn't snap right there. But not all hope is lost because Steven requested a trace on the phone. I don't think Brad's really gonna hurt her or anything, but if he even tries hopefully the cops have her back.
GRADE: B+
For the first time in a while I'm pretty excited to see what happens next week? I don't think I've felt this way since around this time last year (ironically I think it was when Marcie got her soul snatched out of her for the first time). Most of the storylines are actually starting to becoming engaging and thrilling to watch. It's starting to feel like a big upgrade from the second half of Season 2.
-See how much good checking a pulse does? ILYIW cops may be dirty but they could teach the HAHN cops a thing or two about what makes a person dead or not. You know, like a pulse.
-When I'm in a crisis, make sure you bring Steven there to calm me down. He was relaxing me while he was talking to Kelly and I was literally just eating applesauce.
-Joey/Faun shooting update: Natalie lets it slip that she doesn't have health insurance. Lushion shows up, they talk to the nurse (or should I say a horse named Tina, I think that was Tina?) who tells them that they'll stabilize him then send him to county. As much as I don't care about Joey or Faun, for Natalie's sake I hope everything works out.
-Joey's. Last. Name. Is. Blackman. It's like Tyler doesn't even try to try anymore.
-Marcie, girl. You making some tea to settle that pregnant stomach, sis?
-Jesus, what did Brad do????
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