LeVar Burton is still in Alex' hospital room, begging to see his son. On one hand, I understand why Alex would want to keep Randal away from the baby...he's insane. This man gives Eddie a run for the crazy money, but on the other hand...girl, how long you gon' keep acting like this black baby belongs to Brad? She cussed out Kelly "blaming her" for...something, I don't know what because it's not Kelly's fault that Marcie and Brad fucked the electricity out of the neighborhood or that Alex screwed Randal until her head exploded and her nuclear vagina drove him insane. The point is, it's Randal's baby and Alex needs to stop acting like Brad is going to magically swoop in and start loving her again because...he's not. Must I remind you about the box of baby names? Randal is begging to see the baby (which is clearly a doll with a computerized cry in post-production), Alex keeps telling him to get out and tries to get security in her room, Randal sits down and almost snatches the baby out of her hands. This man looks like he's on laughing gas, he's laughing, crying, that vein in the top of his head is popping...it's uncomfortable. The nurse comes in (and tries to ask his crazy black ass to leave) before BRAD walks in and tells Alex to let Randal hold "his son". ....Bitchhhhhhh. The nurse leaves after Alex gives the okay and Brad continues taunting Alex, telling her to allow Randal to hold "his little bundle of joy." Randal is a purebred twitter nigga, ain't he? He's sitting on the bed of the married woman he impregnated after having sex with her on top of sawdust in a shed and thinks he has anything close to a right to talk to Brad the way he is? Brad should have whooped Randal's ass the minute he found out that he slept with Alex (and I'm pretty sure he did after he chopped his boat up). That brings me to my next point when Brad molly whoops the living shit out of Randal after he shows him the sex tape (on his Nokia phone from 2007). Not only does Randal hit and miss Brad, he tries again and Brad knocks his black ass on to the ground, locks the door and kicks the SOUL out him, bitch slaps the shit out of him, kicks him in the crotch, slaps him one more time and knees him in the nose. Brad isn't even phased after that. He literally takes a deep breath after all that beat down and basically says "eh, could've had a V8." ...Like, Brad is my spiritual animal after that.
Eddie finally officially meets Claudia, who's the only other person besides Pete, himself and Ben that knows Ben was shot (and not by himself). They have some small talk before he gets Claudia to admit she saw the tape, but she low key saves herself (by being pretty, first off) by telling him she really isn't sure what she saw on that tape and that she wasn't paying close attention. Look closely, Claudia. A little later, Claudia and Eddie meet up again and just as Eddie makes his move on her, Esperanza comes out and makes it clear that Eddie his her baby daddy and that he's pretty much a dog. Side note, why is Esperanza such a bitch to Claudia? Damn, where was all this hostility to Alex? The bitch that actually deserved to get cussed out. Pete and Ben come back from bike patrol. Lushion and Pete have a conversation about how Pete should be grateful that he's even out on the field. Pete claims he's working on something that will get him promoted and Lushion tells him to drop it. ...Later we have...Pete in a salmon colored muscle shirt. Pete...doesn't...have...any...muscles? Ramsey was wearing a tight shirt too, but, he has muscles. Pete? Pete's shirt was so tight I could see his spinal chord structure. That shirt was so tight I could see the outline of his longs. That shirt was tighter than the bond between man and dog. Ben's still trying to hang out with Pete (because he has the tape of him getting shot). Pete shoot him down, Ben leaves and Pete goes to the captain's office and tells the captain that he has some information on Eddie. The captain has to leave so he tells Steven to come in and listen to what he has to say and Pete keeps his mouth shut, but not before Steven and another cop in the precinct share glances. It's clear this is some Eddie shit and it's not going to end pretty.
Joey and Faun pulls up to her daddy's house (where she also lives) and convinces Joey to come inside (it didn't take much convincing because he thinks with his head. The head of his dick.). They get inside...and literally start fucking on money for the burger joint. K. .................Then after they're done, we are graced with seeing Joey's scrawny naked body covered by [hundred] dolla bills. Joey and Faun have a short conversation about whether or not she is actually in love with him or not (like I care...?). She asks if they're dating and after Joey says no, he makes it clear that he's just way too scared her daddy will catch them.......and then David Allen Grier pops in with the gun from that episode of The Carmichael Show, tells Joey to get in his car and asks what the hell they're doing with his money. Yeah, what are you doing with that money, Faun? (: Faun's dad takes him back to Natalie's house and fires him AND Natalie. If this lil nig Joey says "But mama!" one more time... Look, Natalie, it's not like Joey would listen to you, but you need to tell your son to shut his mouth and just stand in a corner looking pretty. Not only does his storyline make me leave the room, but his voica...oh mah gawd. If you don't blea...BOY, YOU BETTA BLEACH. I can't even tell you how happy I was when Natalie gave him that Chinese food bag he calls luggage and kicked his unruly horny ass out. The fact that he called that job a "penny ass" job, when it's the only reason that either of them can live in that house is just ridiculous. Maybe they're better off because ever since Joey started working there, there's been a break-in, a shoot out and sex on the meat rack. That boy better have bleached.
Kelly pulls up in her driveway, Ramsey (being his mother's son) watches her from the window before coming out to come check on her because she's been sitting in the car for a while. He almost walks off before he turns back around and ask what's really up. She vaguely tells him about her blowout with Alex and that she's just trying to get herself together before he gets home. The eventually go into her place and start talking on the couch. Ramsey goes in to about how much he misses his mom and a song she used to sing a song, a song that Kelly just happens to know. And my girl Kelly comes clutch with the vocals. I hope Kelly isn't some sort of replacement for Ramsey's mom in his head because she already felt as old as Travis' momma, so to fill some sort of momma void in Ramsey's heart would be...you know, awkward. It would also be a little hurtful because this is one of those relationships/story lines in ILYIW that actually carries some emotional weight. Kelly's been hurt in the past, Ramsey's the kind of guy who would benefit from someone as much as Kelly would. It just feels like the relationship and emotion with it has been earned. The rest of the scene is a little repetitive with Ramsey talking about how much he doesn't want to cry or feel like this anymore, Kelly telling him it's okay to have emotions and so on and so forth and what have you. This all cumulates in a hug and an almost kiss. An almost kiss that Travis ruined. Like he ruins everything. Kelly don't want your broke ass! I wish every time we saw Travis, "No Scrubs" by TLC played. So Travis doesn't have to put up with Kelly finding a new man after these two broke up, but Kelly had to put up with his random new girl when they were still together? Eat a dick, Travis. The only thing we'll miss about you is dogging your Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reject ass. Step. Matter a fact, bleach, boy. 
Marcie changes her clothes and comes back downstairs after getting choked by Randal, where Miss Louise is reading a book on how to change lives. Not really, but I'm sure that's the only type of literature she reads the way she talks. She warms the heart of everyone watching the show and tells her that she'd like to stay a bit longer. We've all just been blessed. However, that's the calm before the storm because the walking "Reading Rainbow" (aka Randal) barges back into the house with that bruised face and busted lip and claims he kicked Brad's ass. But, Randal, no. Randal pulls out a cigar out of his ass hole and starts smoking it. Miss Louise is all of us when she simply just asks, "What?" Que? Randal just starts laughing and singing the ABC song as he walks up the stairs. It was the most unintentionally funny moment of 2015. I promise you. Ramsey comes to Marcie's house to apologize for being so persistent because he think she's just had a baby. But, wait, why would he think that? ...Because there is a big, bulging sign with sparkling lights (not really) around it that says "It's a boy! Congrats Randal and ALEX". ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? RANDAL IS A SAVAGE RUTHLESS BROWNIE, OH MY GOODNESS.
EPISODE GRADE: B
Randal getting his ass beat, putting up the sign in the front yard, smoking a cigar while singing the ABC song and Kelly & Ramsey were great. But everything about Joey, Faun, Pete and Ben annoy me so that leveled off the episode to about a B.
BRAD IS A SAVAGE:
"Let him hold his son, honey."
"You take my wife in that shed..." ",,,And what? Bend her over and go to town? Like you did with my wife."
"You're a psychologist and sounding like you're crazy."
"Go head, darling. Let him hold his son."
"I can't stop watching it." *plays the video, all you hear is grunts and moans* "I'll text it to you." *texts it*
"Last time we fought I was half drunk, this time I'm really clear."
*after he beats Randal's ass* "Get up."
EDDIE IS THE BEST:
"Yeah I got some cream for you." ...Damn, he actually had creamer in his desk.
"See the curves on that thing?"
MICHAEL B JORDAN/PETE:
"Lu, I'm good."
BOY, YOU BETTA BLEACH (aka Joey's high octave vocal range):
"Mama!"
"But mama you're not even giving me a chance to explain!"
"But mama!"
"Damn mama! You know we're just friends!"
"Damn mama, I'm tired about hearing about that penny ass job!"
KELLY/RAMSEY:
"You have a beautiful voice." "Thanks. You don't."
"Ain't nothin' funny!" The look on your broke, busted ass face is funny."
MARCIE/RANDAL:
"Looks like he kicked your ass."
Is Ramsey stupid? He knows that Alex and Marcie aren't similar names at all, right?
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