Monday, July 24, 2017

Big Brother 19: Week 5 Recap (Sunday)


Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers for episode thirteen of Big Brother 19 after the jump! Everything down below are my personal opinions. I am in no way affiliated with any corporation, especially CBS and Big Brother. Thank you to CBS for the images.


Pre-HOH COMPETITION
There's really no one to root for right now. At this point, whoever isn't shouting at the camera like they don't have a mic attached to their body is who I'm supporting on a week to week basis because all of this is beginning to get out of hand. Well, it was out of hand before but now it's fallen off the rails. Jessica and Cody are reunited and spend their time together discussing all the blessings that Dominique's prayers have been giving Jessica. First she gets the temptation, second she starts repairing some of her relationships in the house and now Cody is back in the house. Seriously, though, how is Dominique going to be the one praying in tongues and preaching the good word of the Lord to everyone and Jessica ends up reaping in all of the glory? It's just not fair. Two weeks ago when Jessica was crying about not being able to eat cake are clear in the past because it seems as all of the odds are slowly being tilted into their favor. The entire rest of the house gather around Paul's dick and have a meeting to run damage control. They try and devise a plan to get Josh to talk a bunch of crap to Cody and get under his skin, but he refuses. More on that later. We're not there yet, but trust me girl, we're going to get there. They end up agreeing that the best solution is just for one of the ten of them to win HOH so they can hold on to the power of the house.

HOH COMPETITION
The house guests dress up as traffic cop's and press a red disc against a traffic light with a clear pole for as long as possible. When someone drops their disc, they're allowed to "punish" any of the remaining competitors. Kevin, Mark and Paul drop their discs within the first minute. They all punish Cody. Jason drops his disc and punishes Jessica, in hopes that it would distract Cody enough to get him to drop his. Elena, Matt, Raven and Josh are next to go. Josh spends the entire time reminding all of us that he has the vocal capability to use the word "meatball" in a sentence and hum, what he thinks is menacingly. At this point, all I'm worried about is Josh's physical safety because Cody looks like the type of bitch to sleepwalk and hold up a knife to your throat. Josh is out here taunting him, and playing games that are going to get his throat slit by that crazy ass marine. Cody claims that he's done the equivalent to a Twitter mute to Josh's entire presence in the house but I think it's going to boil over in a fight by the end of the week. While all of this is going on, Jessica is whispering to Christmas (one of the few people left in the game) that she will keep her safe if she wins the competition. 

Paul, Elena and Josh play a game of telephone, culminating in Josh yelling at the people still standing (that aren't named Jessica and Cody) not to take any deals. Cody drops his disc, leaving Ramses, Christmas and Jessica still standing. Ramses ends up falling but Christmas is still in it to win it. She wants to prove something to herself but the only thing she needs to be proving something to are the bones in her legs that she cares about them enough to quit the show that she has no chance of winning now. Elena is screaming to the camera, complaining that it's between Christmas and Jessica now. Elena is a whole new kind of dumb ass. Every time she yells "our" or "my game" or something about "the team" I want to slap a puppy. She has done absolutely nothing all season but make cheese sandwiches and lick Mark's tits. Maybe the team wouldn't be in this position if you actually had some skills in the game, besides trying to ride a dick bicycle to the finals. Jessica ends up winning the competition.

Post HOH COMP/ Pre-NOMINATIONS
I have not missed Jessica wearing that one musty hat her and Cody seem to share. Now that everyone is pretty much screwed, everyone starts flocking up to the HoH room like chicken's running out of the coop. Mark and Elena stop by, Matt and Raven roll in, Josh tries to but Cody throws his chances of bargaining with them over the railing. Cody and that camouflage hat are trying their hardest to play the best social game possible. He's smiling to everyone's faces (no, he actually flashes a few smiles) while calling them dirty, toenail bitting bitches in his confessionals. He meets individually with Paul, still doesn't care for him, and tells Jessica that Mark cannot be trusted after voting to evict Jillian and stabbing him in the back during his HoH. Kevin wraps his body up in saran wrap to keep his stomach flat, even though he can feel his organs shifting in his body. It was a very eventful couple of minutes. Jessica wants to cut off the head of the snake (Paul), but thinks it would be safer to cut off the ass (Josh). 

NOMINATION CEREMONY
Jessica nominates Ramses, flat out telling him that he's just a pawn. She also nominates Josh, telling him that he's played a horrible game and doesn't deserve to be in the house. I half expected him to grab her by the skull and smash it on the counter. Ramses says, without saying, that he is willing to suck however many dicks possible it is to stay in the house while Josh starts crying because Jessica told him off. Because being the cry baby that they taunt you for being is going to make things better. That's why I can't stand Josh. He's a walking, talking contradiction calling someone a mayonnaise licking whore and pledging his respect to them all in one sentence. He yells at everyone that he isn't a cry baby and doesn't play the victim, while he has snot running out of his nose and tears streaming down his face. He put it simply enough in his own words on Thursday: Don't dish it, if you can't take it out.

EPISODE GRADE: B+
Stray notes:
-Meatball was funny for about 37 seconds. Come up with something new.
-Cody: "I can't believe Jessica got the temptation." Neither could we.

Drops his disc:
Kevin: "Coming into this competition my strategy i---" *drops his disc*
Mark: "Kevin, this competition just started. How do you already drop--- *drops his disc*
Paul: "We're not even a minute in. Kevin's down, Mark's down. But don't worry guys, because I've got i---" *drops his disc*

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