Monday, May 23, 2016

Billboard Awards 2016 Recap


Disclaimer: Everything down below are my personal opinions. I'm in no way affiliated with any corporation, especially The Billboard Awards or ABC.

I could say so much about this year's Billboard Awards but why waste anybody's time? Here's how we're breaking it down. Performances. Awards.

Performances.
I love me some Britney Spears. I thought the performance was really cute but Womanizer looked smack liked Ginger Fox on iCarly. And although she didn't sing not one note live, I thought it was a pretty fun way to open up the show.

I was a really big Shawn Mendes fan last year. I don't know what happened, maybe it's the fact that all of his fans are in the fourth grade but I've just faded away as a big Shawn Mendes fan. That being said I think he has a great singing voice but I spent about half of the performance wondering why this looked like  2008 Chris Brown video. I thought everything sounded great except when he tried to do those growls because they sounded like they were legitimately hurting. I did laugh at all the teenage girls getting their lives while the adults were just clapping out of obligation, though.


I have absolutely no business living for Fifth Harmony but I do. I really, really like their new songs (at least the three that have been released prior to their new album coming out on Friday; Work From Home, The Life & Write On Me). I thought their performance was alright. I don't really like hairflippers or when a performance consists of twerking and dancing all over Ty Dolla $ign butI thought they sounded fine.

Hands down the best moment of Meghan Trainor's performance was when Priyanka started announcing her before they turned her mic on. That was hilarious. Aside from that I though Meghan had a great performance!

Honestly, I didn't want to watch Bieber but I just looked up at God and asked him if this was what I was supposed to do for the next five minutes and I decided to sit their and watch that bald little white boy on stage. Remember during the AMAs when he was dancing around in all that water in the middle of the stage with a microphone so we all clearly knew he wasn't singing one note holy note live? Bieber got crafty on us and there was this transparent flow of water that traveled around him...but we still know you're not singing live, sis. It's okay. You're on tour, I half way expect it but that just made me laugh. Also what made me laugh? The fact that he swears he's the next Timberlake or Chris Brown with them school dance circle ass moves. He looked like all of you kids in them sausage videos last year. He should have just sung Love Yourself and made up for that Grammy performance he sang in the key of no flat.

Pink's harness was giving me anxiety. Don't know what dark fairy princess inspired her outfit but I thought the performance was alright. I don't really care for the song just yet, maybe give it a few weeks and I'll bob my head to it but I'm just not feeling it yet.

Nick Jonas' mouth looks like an acute angle when he sings. Honestly, all my teachers and friends told me to sing with my mouth more open to get the sound out in high school but Nick's living proof you can just open your mouth an inch wide and sing. I thought the performance would have been pure fire if he was lip syncing though because I did not see it for his vocals tonight. But Demetria Devonne Lovato? Mama. Sang. From. Her. Urethra. I was a little pissed that she wasn't doing Stone Cold but she more than made up for it with them baby Christina Aguilera notes she was belting at the beginning and the end (and hell, in between) of the performance. It made up for the fact she was dressed like she was going to the Lifeguard end of the summer bonfire. Why was Laura Marano, like, seven measures behind Demi when she was trying to sing along. There is no shame in not singing along if you don't know the words, sis.

I'm just fine with Lukas Graham. I still don't know how I feel about 7 Years but I think it's a nice song to listen to when you want to get in your feelings. I'm just surprised he sounded so good live. I heard him sing it live once and it sounded like Raven in that episode she turned into a cow. It wasn't cute. But this performance was so good for him!

Didn't care for Blake & Gwen when they sung this on The Voice and, shocker, don't care for it now. It's a cute song that I would never listen to sober. All I know is I'm still thoroughly shocked that Gwen is older than Blake. He looks 56 and she looks a smooth 27.

Cake By the Ocean is my SONG. I love DNCE, they're kind of like a hybrid of Maroon Five and MKTO and I love it. I thought their performance was awesome. Not awesome: Nick Jonas' offbeat clapping to the song (but it's cool, I loved seeing the support for his big bro!) and that securtiy guard. He looked like he was about to molly whop that older white lady who kissed him straight out of the venue.

Adele's new video was sick. I loved seeing. like, 25 Adeles. (See what I did there?)

Kesha came to serve you nothing but vocals. As of lately, she's been letting y'all know she got a little bit of a cute voice tick tocked up in her throat. She was out here giving us a little head voice, a little chest. All I thought to myself was good job young miss! She is going to look so fly when them bangs grow in!

All I have to say is Rihanna was fire up on that stage. I love "Love on the Brain" and not only did she sound amazing but she looked as beautiful as ever. I don't think I've seen Rihanna lately (post Ronald McDonald hair) without looking absolutely snatched. And the end of the performance she basically looked out into the crowd of peasants and mentally told all of them they were welcome.

Speaking of Rihanna & Demi, I  need y'all to stop acting like they haven't been popping up out the cut with them vocals since last last year. Rihanna and Demi have been killing it in the game, in terms of vocals since at least last year.

Celine Dion is giving you her absolute everything giving you the same key and pitch she had ten/twenty years ago and I love it. Show them girls how it's done!

Troy Sivan just sounds like he's sleep singing. I personally just think his vocals are very simple and emotionless but he looked like he was having the time of his happy life and I lived for it. Those dance moves were everything. Justin Bieber, you taking notes?

Asdfghjkl; I can't wait to review the "Dangerous Woman" album, I'm content with the entire album but Ariana performed one of my top two favorite songs from it tonight. Into You. I wasn't that into this performance, ironically. She started on a piano with those robot ass vocals in that mic but she kept pausing to look back down on the keyboard. My thing is, if you have to stare down at the piano for a brick to make sure you're about to play the right chord then just have somebody else play it, sis. That was the only part of the performance I truly didn't like but otherwise it was a solid performance from her that didn't consist of her posing and flipping her hair upside down (@American Music Awards performance). The vocals were also there but when aren't they?

How I felt about the Madonna, Prince tribute:


Awards.
-Considering this is the Billboard Awards, I can't say I was mad at any of the winners really because it really was about the songs that had the most impact on Billboard throughout the past year. It's not really about quality like the Grammys so I can't be mad at them for giving awards out to the strongest performers on Billboard. My only issue was The Weeknd winning for best R&B artist or something another. I'm so tired of all black artists being grouped into the R&B category when, clearly, his genre of music is not R&B. R&B, sis? Rhythm AND the blues? Um? It's some type of Indie or Pop but I don't think it's fair to group it in the same genre with Alessia Cara and whoever else was in that category. Other than that, Adele got the Top Artist award or something another and it was well deserved!

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