Hit the Floor: Mr. World Premiere (3x02)

The episode picks up right where it left off with Ahsha and German in bed after German called out Olivia's name. It would have been funny if she thought it was a little creepy of him to be calling out her name because of weird sexual reasons, because why not, but nah, he was just dreaming about the night he killed her. No big whoop. In other news that I don't really care about, Ahsha gets an offer from Boston to join their dance team and German feels a little uneasy about that. I'm assuming it's because this man KILLED Olivia because she threatened to do something to get her kicked off the team, but now it seems as if his "work" was for nothing because this bitch wants to move to Boston anyways. Um, she can go, I don't really given a chicken noodle fuck. Unfortunately Derek comes back to The Devil's under the condition Ahsha is back on the Devil Girls. Is Lionel a moron? That would be my first offer to him the minute she came into his house and saw the picture frame with his delusional ass and Ahsha still on the table, aka the first thing you see when you walk in his house.

Adam (the random dude from The Lying Game who Jelena & Terrance met with about buying the Devil's) informs Lionel about the higher powers looking to sell. Lionel being Lionel isn't having this shit. But this isn't where things get interesting. What's interesting is what happens when Lionel and Jude are meeting with people about Derek's contract. Lionel notices that Aaron Samuels, excuse me, Lucas was flirting with him and basically forces him to prostitute himself because Lucas wants Jude and Lionel wants to get Derek at whatever cost. The cost, in this case, happens to be Judes ass. And THIS is where we get to the meat of the episode. Well, my meat. I phrased that wrong. Anyways, Jude's clearly completely awkward when it comes to this whole "coming on" to Lucas thing so naturally he spills the beans about Lionel sending him to seduce him for the contract. Lucas couldn't care less and just wants to take him on a date (lol, yeah, a "date"). Zero is so jealous and I love every second of it. We ended last season on a positive note, and started this season like it had never happened. They took one step forwards, six steps back, and just went forward another four steps. But at the same time, Zero is such a snake. I rolled my eyes when he lied to Pete about that story of how much he respects him and loves him just because he wants to be captain. It's hard to listen to Jude be so wrapped up in someone that acts like he doesn't care about him. I'm not saying Zero doesn't care about Jude, he just has a really funny and annoying way of showing it. Little lines like "I was in love with him before I knew what love was" just break your heart in two.

Can we just take a minute and discuss what a legend Lynn Whitfield is? I'm going to do a seperate post about how Hit the Floor is basically Hit the Nostalgia because nearly every actor/actress on the show just brings back times of a better, simpler time. Whitfield is perfect in this role of playing a sociopath's mother, who is using her ten percent of the company to blackmail her into spending time with her. The character of the mother gives us a chance to really get to know Jelena a little better. It gives us a chance. But we don't take the chance. Rather, we can't take the chance because Jelena is still pretty much just a moody, raging bitch trying to get what she wants from her mother. I was ready to dump on Jelena but we got a stellar moment of character development and a stellar acting moment from Logan Browning. The moment her mother alluded to her father being at the wedding, I knew this bitch was delusional. From what we know about the past she's had with her parents, it's not hard to see why Jelena is so closed off from feeling anything. It was emotionally scarring to hear your mother getting beat up by your father and having nowhere safe to feel. She created her own space to feel safe, where nothing can hurt her because she's the one doing all of the hurting.  Jelena gets the check from her mother before setting her free by telling her that she should want to call her, and that she will always answer. And the most heartbreaking moment of the episode is revealed, she's still with her father. Geeze, Hit the Floor, really? My heart.

Ahsha's dance solo was funky. I think the actress is really getting better at her dances because earlier in the show I really didn't know why everyone was so pressed about her "being the chosen one" or whatever, but she's gotten much better. As for the firefighter dance? This is what I'm talking about! For a show as flashy and based around dancing, I absolutely love when they get creative with the stuff. Any dance in water is usually gold and it was great to see Raquel in a group number, considering we've never seen her as a "dancer" yet.

Oh, and Sloane think she's being stalked but he admits that Pete hired him to be her bodyguard. He agrees to go home and then just as Sloane walks to her car at night -- he kidnaps her. Lol. K.

EPISODE GRADE: B

This was your standard episode of Hit the Floor. Kyle and Raquel were my favorite parts and the Sloane bodyguard reveal was nice! Plus we've made a little bit of headway in the Zero/Jude relationship so that's always good. Sorry the review is up so late, it's just harder to review actual shows not written by Tyler Perry because the way he writes it is that he puts every scene with a character in one large block of time so it's much easier to go paragraph by paragraph for each character but here they're jumping scenes all over the place that my mind got so wild.

"Boston? As in Boston?"

"I wanna go to Boston." Bye, Asia, girl!

-Every time Ahsha and Devon hug and we get a close up of his face, I get chills.

-I'm not Team German or Team Derek. I'm #TeamRaKyle.

"Hike up your skirt."

"You put on your big girl panties and you figure it out!"

"You know, I wish we had a private chef right now. So we could have dinner together, privately. I mean, in private."

"Hey did you get banged in the process? Or are you the banger?"

"Does the power turn you on?" Zero is the slime at the Kid's Choice Awards.

"I like it because her ass looks great in this light. Yes pile." Sex sells!

"Nothing cheap champagne and a labotomy can't fix."

"I love you." "You better." Ugh, Jelena.

Jelena looked STUNNING in that dress. Logan Browning is so beautiful.

"I felt bad you never had a father...but you never had a mother either." Lynn Whitfield, ladies and gentlemen.

TEDDY THE TIGER REYNOLDS IS DIRECTING 50 SHADES OF KYLE. I need this movie out. Immediately.

"Get me another beer, would you, wifey?"

-Teddy :THe Tiger" Reynolds

-The storyboard for 50 Shades of Kyle is just stick figures having sex.

-Sloane is bad af. I really wanted her to confront the guy who she thought was following her and when she did I had a really big smile on my face. I hope she doesn't actually think his ass went away, though.

-Update: He didn't, and he's kidnapping her. Kk.

-"Can't have anymore rigrets in my life."

Nostalgia this week:

Aaron Samuels

William Van Der Woodsen