Spoilers for the latest episode of If Loving You Is Wrong after the jump!
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Back to the bullshit. Haha. This week picks right up where it left off. Alex his the tree, is unfortunately alive, and apparently her phone got trapped in the car. So when the car explodes, her phone is gone and she runs out into the road and tries to flag down help. I thought OWN would have at least advertised a special guest star, because when Si Robertson from Duck Dynasty popped his bearded ass up out of nowhere I was all the way shook. What shook me even more was the fact that she told his ass "just take me as far as you can" and he kept saying, "sweetheart, I'm not going up to GunsNRoses Valley (or wherever her family is from)". But yeah, he turns on a song, Alex lays back and just has to suffer the ride of Duck Dynasty like America's been doing since 2013.
After Kelly yanked it out of her, Marcie finally told Steven about the mud Brad had on his shoes and Steven tells her that the mountain Brad claimed to be digging around at closed at 9. So Marcie's all out of whack because she feel like Brad's been lying to her. Esperanza, who we're calling "Messy Essy" from now on, comes out of nowhere and says...words. They go inside Alex' house and Brad just keeps calling Marcie while the other two zoobats are trying to get her to chill out but she just goes to puke in the bathroom, or cry. Both are understandable (because, you know, pregnant). Messy Essy sees Travis calling Kelly. Kelly comes clean about Travis being ridiculously insane and plays the messages. I can't stand Messy Essy but those reactions were all of us when we first heard the messages. And apparently she convinced Kelly to tell the cops but who knows? Speaking of Kelly, Aunt Viv read her to pieces at the end and basically told her that if she doesn't answer her baby daddy's phone calls and talk to him that she's turning her in.
Also, Eddie's back. I literally could not care less about him and anything he has to do with the show. He gets one of the cops to give him some information on the case and finds out that Brad's the main suspect. He calls Brad and basically tells him "dude, I don't care. In fact, fuck them I'm glad you killed Randall and the baby. Just tell me where the bodies are so I can get rid of them." Eddie seemed legitimately offended that Brad didn't come to him for advice on how to commit a kidnapping and a double murder and I can't say I'm surprised.
Lushion. Came. Through. Tonight. For the first time his over aggressive nature earned him some props with me. He read him for blood after he came to the hospital, essentially to take him back to jail. Lushion didn't even entertain him, handed him his card and told him to don't even speak to Natalie about this ever again. Then Natalie preached about how Joey shouldn't have been such an idiot and I agree. Joey shouldn't be so dumb, haha.
So, Julius is at the club and Ben just pops into his mind for whatever reason and...you know what, I'll just make some commentary on some of this horrible, horrible dialogue.
Julius: "Too busy for some pure Colombian? Ben: "No, I want it."
We're all in agreement that Julius is referring to his dick, right?
Ben: Eddie's all over me. Julius: What, like he's you're boyfriend?"
I mean...
Julius: "Like a jealous boyfriend...?"
Julius really wants to know if Ben's bae'd up or not.
Ben: "He's straight." Julius: "Is he? And what about you, Ben?"
Julius wants a four way. Eddie, Ben, him, and some crack.
Julius: "I want you, Ben." Ben: "How do you mean?" Julius: "What do you think?"
Good. Fucking. Lord. Tyler. Perry. The cast has to just bust out laughing at some of these table reads.
EPISODE GRADE: B
I'm sorry, I could not give this episode a grade any higher the second Julius said "I want you. What do you think?"
-Also sorry this is a week late!
-Am I the only one who noticed Alex screaming "my phone! I need my phone!" before the car caught on fire? She had plenty of time to grab it, chuck the deuces and run...but this is coming from the moron that didn't use protection when she fucked her best friend's husband.
Messy Essy:
-She thinks Eddie's behind the bloody ransack at Randall's house. Ironically, the smartest thing she's said all season is incorrect.
-"Are you okay?" "Talk to us!" I'm sure Marcie would have loved to talk right after she found out her husband was sleeping with Alex, but, y'know. Bygones.
-(To Kelly) "Why do I have to pull everything out of you?" Because you're nosy as hell and jump to conclusions. Remember when she almost got Claudia's implants snatched out of her damn titties by Natalie?
-"What kind of sex voodoo did you put on him?"
-"He sounds pissed off." Haha, really, Essy? Does he?
-"The worst part is she's still in love with him." Um, but, Eddie?
Travis: *tries to rape her on the front porch, leaves her messages calling her everything but a child of God*
Kelly: Oh, you know. It was no big deal.
Eddie is the worst:
-"What's going on?" "You see it." LOL
-"I'm an officer." "You're a disgrace."
-He literally just stared at her ass and asked if she had a thong on.
-"Some old bitch who's sucking up all the air for the rest of us."
-"Get off the phone with that crack whore and get me some coffee."
-"And my dry cleaning." LOOOOOOOL
Natalie:
"I wonder how (Faun's) doing?" I don't.
-"I think he here for Joey or whatever, but you know, he be flirtin' wit me sometimes..."
-Of course Tyler has to toy around with the one woman with a stable relationship by having the p.o. come on to her from time to time.
In West Philadelphia, born and raised (AKA Aunt Viv, AKA Miss Dianne):
"Don't make me come over there and whoop your ass!"
"Nappy headed ass boy."
"I'm not threatening you. Yet."
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