The Haves and the Have Nots: Elevator Seven (5x17)

Disclaimer: Spoilers for this episode of Tyler Perry and OWN's The Haves and the Have Nots after the jump! If you haven't seen it, do not click any further (until you've seen it, then definitely read)! Thank you to the Oprah Winfrey Network for the pictures!

Trash. Pure, unfiltered, unrefined trash is what I watched tonight. Veronica posts up at Erica and David's lunch to scare Erica again. When the both of them just laugh in her face and head to the elevator, Veronica follows them. When they all get in the elevator she hits a button that stops it so everyone can have a little chat. We are subjected to Veronica and Erica going at it for no less than ten minutes. There was a point where Veronica said David was humiliating her when she was the one with major insecurity issues and drove him away by accusing him of cheating with Maggie, the one who set the house on fire, the one who had sex with Benny multiple times, the one who shoved his face in it despite him just trying to be good to her. Veronica is a very smart character and very entertaining, but having her sole purpose for losing her mind be over David doesn't do any favors to the character. It makes her look weak and reinforces that she needs a man in order to be sane. Either Veronica is just that ignorant, or Tyler got lazy and just didn't want to write anything of substance when David called her out for cheating with Benny and she just goes "ummmm uhhhh." She's just a walking, talking contradiction. While she's interesting, seeing her in these recycled, idiotic situations is starting to get old. With that being said, the bit with her falling out onto the elevator ground, Erica and David leaving her there and "you're a little late" after the hotel worker came up was all hilarious to watch. After Erica "put David to bed" [her words, not mine], she sneaks out to answer a call from Candace. Candace asks her if she can hook her up with a new phone, Erica asks her what room she's in, Candace is sick as hell of Erica and all of these damn questions. Erica tells her about what went down in the elevator and Candace tells her to stop messing with Veronica because she is insane. I'm positive David had to have woken up and heard some of that from the bed because Erica was being LOUD.

FitzCharles starts planning a speech and Landon keep correcting him. FitzCharles asks him why he won't shut the hell up and he says that he'll tell him in private. After he send all the white people out, Landon tells Fitz that Candace is a liar, a scammer and a fraud. Fitz' actual reaction is "lmao true" because he's about ten times crazier than her and doesn't care that she was on an escort site. Fitz tells him to clean up her online image because he's ready to turn this hoe into a housewife. Landon keeps trying to assert that she will just drag him down but Fitz' reaction is "okay, also do me a solid and teach her how to be a lady because I low key want to take her to the inauguration." I'm surprise we're just getting a Fitz character on this show because if you think about it, Fitz from Scandal basically just turned into a Tyler Perry villain after he got divorced from Mellie. After he sends Landon out, Landon calls the cops and tip them off on where Candace is.

Mama Rose is getting on my last mama nerves. She has no idea where War is, neither does Jim. Jim asks her for a favor and she becomes the epitome of what this show has turned into. She starts repeating herself over and over again telling him that she's a scary bitch that he doesn't want to mess with or he'll regret it. Then she refuses to tell him why she's such a scary bitch that he doesn't want to mess with, or why he'll regret it, and just angrily hangs up the phone. I spent the better half of the episode upset that I was really excited to see her cause hell on the show, only for her to be in the background doing nothing and just acting like a mean lunch lady. I'm assuming Jennifer's body (no Megan Fox) is Mama Rose's doing and that's what she was talking about.

The cop at the front desk won't answer Hanna's questions about Benny so she asks to speak to officer Justin. When he comes out he tells her Benny is being questioned for Quincy's murder and that he will probably be charged. He refuses to let her see him because he's still being questioned by the secret service, and even he doesn't know why they're talking to him. He advises her to speak to a lawyer before he goes off to do his job. You know, the job that the American taxes pay for: hiding naked in Jeffrey's hotel room. We're not there yet but you better believe we will get there. Hanna calls Katheryn and asks if she's spoken to a lawyer yet. Katheryn says yes and when Hanna tells her what's going on she says she's on the way to the station and tells her to stay calm. Even though Benny has federal restrictions placed on him, the agent interrogating him lets him make a call. He calls Hanna, who doesn't pick up, then calls Mitch and tell him to get Hanna and keep her calm. Afterwards, the agent tells Benny that he's probably being railroaded because he's made some enemies in high places. Girl, who? Quita?

Let me tell you one thing: Jeffrey is sick and tired of all of these thirsty bottoms chasing him. He sloshes over to the hotel bar and looks like he has the burden of one thousand angry queens. He ends up seeing Landon, who spends the entire time just talking about how perfect Jeffrey is, how sexy he is, how he's all Landon thinks about and that he's the best fuck he's ever had. Jeffrey scoffs and gets up to leave and I can't blame him. I've been a hardcore Jeffrey and Landon believer since the beginning but Landon is the ugliest, sloppy drunk I've seen on TV in a while. He follows Jeffrey in the elevator, kissing all over him trying to fuck him right there in the elevator. He continues following Jeffrey and when they finally get to the room BAM. Justin is lying there, ass up, blindfolded and hands in the air. Okay, not really, but if the show was more realistic that's exactly what we would have seen. NEXT WEEK IT'S BOTTOM VS. BOTTOM AND I CAN'T WAIT.

EPISODE GRADE: C

Storyline grades:

Veronica/Erica/David: C

Charles/Landon: C

Mama Rose/Jim: B-

Hanna/Benny/Mitch/Kathryn: B

Jeffrey/Landon/Justin: B

Wyatt: G

Stray notes:

-Click HERE for more #HAHN reviews.

-Apparently Landon isn't Fitz' campaign manager, he's just his "public relations guy."

-I started writing for Wyatt, then he started flirting with Anna and I just went to pee. I don't have anything.

-Jennifer's body looked like a stuffed mommy at a Halloween themed middle school dance.

Worst sexual innuendo(s) of the night:

Landon:  "You don't want to water my garden?"