The Haves and the Have Nots: The Fallout From War (5x12) - SUMMER PREMIERE

Disclaimer: Spoilers for this episode of Tyler Perry and OWN's The Haves and the Have Nots after the jump! If you haven't seen it, do not click any further (until you've seen it, then definitely read)! Thank you to the Oprah Winfrey Network for the pictures!

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In true Haves Not fashion, the show quickly resolves the biggest cliffhanger from the finally: is Q dead? From the clear shot of brain we get, it's pretty safe to assume he's dead. Hanna breaks down on the floor after Benny takes him as Mitch calls the police. At the hospital, Hanna just looks like she's had the life drained out of her body. Seeing her struggle with her faith is going to be an interesting arc if the show decides to go that direction. Benny calls Kathryn and tells her what's happened. Apparently Mitch told his family about what happened, and all these random white extras storm into the hospital PISSED off that War tried to mess with a Malone. Benny tells them gives them a biography on War. This bitch is about 20 episodes passed when they could have gotten ride of War, but just the gusto of this woman had me SCREAMING "GANGSTA BITCH MUSIC, VOL 3." She called somebody up, told them to plant the DA's corpse in War's car and basically said she was about to raise hell and I'm living for it. War is just a bag of mulch at this point. Ericka basically shouted in his face that it was Mitch but he STILL went to the motel and shot up the bed and killed that baby. Anyone who wants to get rid of him has my vote. I don't expect anything to really happen until the season finale because, unfortunately, that's how this show is starting to operate. But it looks to be exciting.

Candace and Ericka meet up in Ericka's hotel room and have a ridiculously dragged out passive aggressive conversation where Candace lies to her about not being with anyone that night. Ericka gets a hug from her because they're "girls" even though last episode she said 73 times she hated her and that she wanted to see her suffer. I'm not exactly sure what else happened? I don't know about you, but listening to Ericka talk at this point is almost as if the television set is forcing a Benedryl capsule down my throat because I just get so tired and dizzy at the end of her scenes. Her and David in a scene together is like watching an apple and an orange on the kitchen table. 

David and Oscar, who has almost illegally overstayed his welcome on the show, wind up having a conversation that alludes to Ericka playing a game on David. David, being David, doesn't believe it. Jim comes up and starts talking to him before he spots Candace over in plain sights and calls her over. Jim announces that she murdered Quincy before Candace quickly let's David know that Jeffrey was the "idiot" who helped her do it. Jim and Candace go off into a corner where Jim is desperately trying to get into her pants. He doesn't care if he has to pay, he just wants to get inside of "her" hotel. If you thought that sex metaphor was bad try watching this show, let alone this scene. Candace says no and stomps off. Much like with Jim and Veronica's reunion a few episodes back, it just felt like something was missing. Although it's clear they still have chemistry, Jim and Candace used to be electric in scenes together. Maybe it's the writing/overall direction of the show, maybe it's because this is their first face to face scene together since season three, but the scene just left me wanting more.

Jeffrey gets up out of the bloody bed and rushes to Veronica to tell her what happened to Melissa. Veronica's bitch ass sees the blood on Jeffrey and, in an impressively simple throwaway gag, Veronica looks down to make sure he hasn't stabbed her again. Angela Robinson was born for this role. When they get back into the room, Melissa is out cold while Jeffrey calls 911 and Veronica relentlessly calls her a dumb bitch and slaps her. I know it's not supposed to be funny, but I was screaming with laughter any time Veronica slapped Melissa's passed out body or called her a dumb bitch. They're both quick to blame each other but it was a team effort. Veronica's villainous behavior is spoken for but Jeffrey was downright cruel to her for absolutely no reason. I hope she survives and I hope she raises hell on any Harrington whose name doesn't start with David. When they get to the hospital, David calls Jeffrey to talk about what Candace just told him. When Veronica hears he's on the way she starts putting makeup on to get ready for him because she's truly the sickest bitch I've scene on TV in a while. Finally, Kathryn stomps in front of her and I'm surprised her wig didn't just fall off right there.

EPISODE GRADE: B

Storyline grades:

Hanna/Benny/War/Mitch/Malones: A-
Veronica/Jeffrey/Melissa: B+
Jim/Candace/David/Oscar: B
Ericka (lol): D-

Stray Notes:

-I will not be catching up on the episodes I missed reviewing. I didn't review them for a reason. I'm not even sure if I'm going to follow through with reviewing this whole season. We'll just take it week by week.

-Bitch, you know I don't have a damn thing to say about Wyatt.

Jeffrey: Why did you do this?

Melissa: Because, bitch, I'm about to be on Dear White People.

Veronica was on 500 tonight:

-"Put some bass in your voice."

-"Call an ambulance for this dumb bitch."

-"DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME TO SHUT U...WAKE UP BITCH!"

"The bastard had cancer, he was gonna die."

"Are you that stupid, bitch? PEOPLE DIE."

"Bleeding all over my 1100 dollar sheets. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Die, bitch."

"I don't want her blood on me."

-Veronica forcing that bitch to move to another wing of the hospital, when she could have just sat down next to Jeffrey, had to be the highlight of my year.
-"So now I'm the villain?" - I wish I could insert a clip of Phaedra saying that at the RHOA reunion because that's exactly how she delivered it.
-"Like her having to get a bus at 4 am is my problem, right?"

Veronica slap count: 9

Worst sexual metaphor of the night:

Candace: I don't want the martini. It's sour and bitter.

Jim: As I recall you like salty and bitter.

Candace: Ummm yours was a little sour.