The Haves and the Have Nots: I Choose My Son (4x09)

Note: When I say Courage the Cowardly Hoodrat, I'm referring to Veronica and Daylon/Quita are Scooby and Crappy/Scooby and Scooby Dum, etc. 

The episode starts off with Nona (the old white nosy neighbor across the street) being the old white nosy neighbor and noticing that Quita and Daylon circling around the neighborhood - to which she does what she does best. She calls her pervert son to come down over and check everything out. Meanwhile, in the house, the bum bitches on deck break in and find Quincy's phone with blood on it and a floor that's clearly been wiped down with bleach to clean up something big. Daylon tries to warn Quita that they need to get up out of there, like, yesterday but of course Mustang Sloppy has to go upstairs to make sure that Quincy isn't up there. Just to give you some context, they already walked over him in the backyard where his body was, literally, six feet under. Anyways, so Scooby and Crappy Doo end up getting handcuffed on the sidewalk and are obviously questioned about why they were in the house. Quite swears that she's friends with Candace and she told her to come through the back and even though her musty ass is a terrible liar, damn she stuck with it. You had to give her props.

That, however, isn't even the beginning of how messed up shit is about to get. Nona's loud nosy ass spots Jeffery walking around the house and the officers call him over. When he won't say anything, one of them ask to speak with him in the house. Which one, you may be wondering? Justin. The one who nearly forced Jeffery down to give him head a couple episodes back (but I'm pretty sure it was like last night in the show so the wound is still super fresh for Jeffery). Officer Justin asks him if they've been doing some type of drug deal and tells Jeffery to call Candace. Candace threw his phone in the garbage disposal and he doesn't know it by heart so Justin basically fucks with Jeffery's life by going outside, telling the other officers to take Scooby Doo and Scooby Dum in while he and Jeffery wait for the owner (Candace) to come back. Alone. The creepy ass, perverted cop and Jeffery. Y'all knew it was over when he leaned over to Jeffery and bit his lip. So he sits down and tells Jeffery to find him some alcohol (even though he's on duty, and even though he would find some if he just turned his ass around and saw the brandy right behind him. I'm sure I saw some Brandy on the table, like, right behind him). Jeffery's like "nah man, gtfo" and Justin more or less tells him that he knows they probably killed someone because they were really sloppy about it and he can leave (all tense, and curious....) and investigate it or he can "sit back, relax, have a drink" and wait for Candace. So what does Jeffery do? What we would all probably do, pour his white ass a drink (and one for himself). The thing that shocked me the most is that Justin's creepy ass didn't bend Jeffery over right on the counter because he was all up in his personal space. Justin forces Jeffery up into Candace's big bedroom and sits his dirty ass on her bed and continues asking questions (just to by time until he tries to rape him, obviously). He congratulates him on not having any prior issues with the law and when they shake hands, he yanks him to the bed and they...wrestle? I'm not exactly sure if he was trying to kick Jeffery's ass or try and get all up in his ass but Jeffery overpowers him and then pulls a gun to Jeffery's head. Like, can this white man just go the fuck home? This was funny for like twelve minutes, three episodes ago but I'm starting to get sick of Justin's crazy ass. Jeffery claps back and tells him he liked it and....I don't care, whatever, I've been writing about this for a week now. Look at the bottom picture, even Jeffery is sick of this man's bullshit.

And here we go, bitch. So Candace and Landon meet up at the hotel. Landon thinks they're having a friendly meet up but Candace thinks that he's behind all the money being stolen for her and that he's working with Jim against her. Long story short, Candace basically tells Landon she has a man up there for him to meet and even though he's really exhausted, he's never too tired to meet a fine ass man. This fake man is big, tall and has dreads, which is apparently Landon's type of guy (even though Jeffery was like 5'4" and clean cut but okay). They get to his room and Landon offers her a drink but before he can get her one, RG73 shows up at his door and then Ericka and Cee Lo Green show up right behind and Candace gets to the point quickly about how someone took a lot of money from her, she's not playing and all that "I'm a bad bitch" shit. Landon quickly coughs up (well, pees up) that Oscar asked him to show Candace all that information about him because he liked her and he was drunk so he just thought why not. Ericka's mad dog ass says he's lying (I'm pretty sure she just wanted to see him get his ass beat) and Candace doesn't think he is, after she sees that he's peed himself. Bruh, I was so scared they were going to mess up his pretty face. I. Was. FRIGHTENED.

Back at the courthouse, Courage the Cowardly Hoodrat and Jim have some final clap back words for each other before she's released back into freedom (which kind of scares me considering she brings the flames, literally, wherever she goes). Jim's absolutely fine with this because his hit man is probably still waiting at Veronica's house to shoot the hell out of her and gives her a pleasant "bye, bye" because he's certain she's about to get got. On the way out, Quita's black ass is in the line up to get booked and sees Veronica and tells her not to go to her house. Clearly Veronica has no idea what's going on so Quita says she'll tell her everything if she gets her ass out of jail. Honestly, if I had the choice between avoiding my house and keeping Quita's country hood ass locked in a jail cell, I'd stay at a hotel. David's dumb ass keeps trying to call  Veronica (but she doesn't have her shit yet) so he tries Jennifer and begs her crazy ass but SHE HANGS UP ON HIS BLACK ASS because he cheated on Veronica with Maggie and not her. Veronica turns the tables on Jennifer when she hides her wig (LMAO) by going into the bathroom and whipping out a protective style for natural girls just like her girl Hey Fran Hey taught her when she goes out to the press so they don't have to see those damn cornrows like we did for the past 9 weeks. Veronica. Looked. FINE. Straight Outta Nollywood.

But baby, here we ACTUALLY go. Katheryn comes home to find the mess Wyatt left behind, and the one that Hanna isn't finna clean up until she gets her damn check. After Hanna tells her Wyatt loaded all of his crap into a new car, Katheryn just needs to relax a minute and take a shower. Hanna asks where she's been and Katheryn simply says "away." Hanna knows this is a lie and confront her about it. But this isn't just about her lying about where she is, it's much bigger. Katheryn, the one person in this world of money and rich bitches that Hanna thought she could actually trust played a major role in covering up for the driver who ran her son over. Look, Hanna has been having moment after moment after moment and this episode is no exception. Let's just keep Quincy Jr in the hospital because Hanna is so much more interesting when he's out of the picture. Hanna doesn't yell, she doesn't threaten, she doesn't shade...she just makes sure Katheryn knows that her son is going to have to live in the mess that he created for himself and reminds her that protecting that hot mess wasn't worth all of this because look at everything protecting him has costed her. But Katheryn. Clapped. Right. Back. Hanna knew. Hanna knew this entire time so does she have really any right to be upset? From the middle of season two she admitted to the detective she thought it was Wyatt who ran her son over. After Amanda died, Katheryn all but admitted it to her and Hanna just played it off. You could, however, argue after her story about how her words basically killed her uncle that she just didn't want to put Wyatt through the pain of all of this if she wasn't 100 percent sure that he was the one who committed the act. I may love Katheryn, but she was wrong for this. In her defense, this is the only thing she's ever done on the show that was crap. And in her defense, I still love her. And I feel for her. Right after she helped Veronica get out, she still says to Hanna that she has no friends. Hanna is the only person Katheryn has ever fully put her faith in and she'll unravel and become destroyed once she leaves her two. So basically, Katheryn forces Hanna to stay (at least until the first of the month) and refuses to give her that damn check. Damn. The reason why this storyline works so well is because it's been developed since season one so it carries some emotional weight because there's a reason to care. Officer Justin coming out doesn't make my heart warm because he's just the officer to tried to rape Jeffery, like, 5 weeks ago and we've only seen him then and now. And the Jennifer being jealous of Maggie and David doesn't carry any emotional weight is because we just found out about her relationship with David, like, ten minutes ago. This has had a chance to build up and kind of smack you across the face and sting you a little bit.

EPISODE GRADE: A-

I just...Officer Justin is too much for me. He knocked the grade down, but hopefully I can warm up to him because Jeffery confronting him (when he wasn't grabbing his balls) was a step in the right direction. This episode had some really great moments that justified the A part of it's A-.

-Justin opens his mouth disgustingly when he drinks wins.

-"This. This is creepy."

-"You know what's not right? You."

-"I hate you queers!" *literally holds his head passionately staring into his eyes*

-I mean, this whole scene with Jeffery was cute and all. The character development was cute but I don't really care about his crazy ass enough for it. Maybe in the future when he's not so....eh....I don't care.

-Regardless, props for addressing the fact that Justin is clearly gay. Poor execution.

-"Oh, Jimmy, I think you gon' be in here for a while."

-"Goodbye bastard, goodbye my love."

-"Don't talk to me, you hood rat." Bitch, have you seen your head lately?

-"Where's my wig?"

-"Afraid she'll run into you and Maggie?" WHY IS EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO DAMN PETTY, MAH GAWD.

-"I didn't even know you wore wigs."

-"Are those cornrows ready for camera, girl?"

-"I'm gonna show you the beauty of a natural black girl." YES. MA'AM.

-Please somebody get this old raggity bitch. I may hate Quita, but I hate Justin's mom even more. Does she even have a name or can I just call her old bitch?

-"Because I'm a child of God." "There you have me beat."

-"I won't let you leave."

-"Can I have my check?" "No."

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