Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers for episode five of Big Brother 19 after the jump! Everything down below are my personal opinions. I am in no way affiliated with any corporation, especially CBS and Big Brother. Thank you to CBS for the images.
I am breathless. There is no more breath in my body. When people ask me why I watch so much reality TV it's for this reason. The entire house flipped upside down and no one is safe. After Cody shockingly nominates Christmas to go on the block, everyone is on edge. It's shocking if you trusted Cody. I don't trust him and you shouldn't trust him. If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. Christmas and Paul both got backdoored in one foul swoop by Cody, meant to blindside everyone else but he just came out looking like gum underneath your desk in high school. Used up and untrustworthy. He's just ruining things for everyone. He was the only one on the basic squad (that's what I'm calling his team) that had it out for Paul. Flexing his theoretical muscle, and trying to backdoor him, not only backfired on him but now Paul thinks the entire side of the house was lying to him. I can't speak for everybody, but I know Mark made it clear that he trusted Paul and wanted him on his side. In a way this kind of works out for Paul because, he said it himself, he can play the victim card now and really get the chains moving in the house now.
Cody is the walking, talking personification of a contradiction. When he and Christmas meet in the HOH room, he claims that he chose her because he was "running out of cards to play." This is one of those scenes where you just sprawl out on your bed and thank Jesus for. Christmas isn't even trying to drag him and Cody is just sitting there digging himself into a hole, deeper and deeper with each passing comment. His way of deflecting consists of various ways of Christmas she's wrong and that he's right. At one point he tells her that he should have had a conversation with him, when Christmas tells him what we've all been thinking: he won't have conversations with anybody. Half the time he's with his alliance he's just standing around dramatically scowling. After Christmas gets up and tells him that he isn't loyal, he repeatedly says "so says you." No, babe, so says Christmas, Paul, your entire alliance. So says the producers (who flashed back to him telling Christmas that she was on his dream panel at Jury). And so says the 6 million people watching you stick a Shaquille O'Neal sized shoe in your mouth. This just proves that he wasn't keeping his mouth shut this whole time out of strategy, he genuinely has just been making this game up as he goes along. 
My sis CBS had NO time for commercial breaks for a solid twenty minutes because she was just giving us one thing after another. Paul and Christmas confront Jessica and Dominique. Matt pulls Paul in to talk with him, Elena and Raven and he proceeds to drag them with words. Cody walks out on Jessica after she calls him out for ruining the peace in the house. Mark still trusts Cody for some reason and Jason pledges his allegiance to Cody for keeping him off the block. Jessica tried to talk to Cody while he does toe touches and denied being the one to divide the house. Christmas comes out and just starts lifting something up and down because I know if she wasn't lifting that up it would be Cody she had up in the air. Home girl is PISSED. The basic squad is trying to run damage control, with Jessica voicing her support for Cody while everyone else agrees that they can't trust him. Mark is just sitting there, slivering through the garden keeping his mouth shut (while also voicing his support of Cody in his confessionals). He asks the group to stick together, regardless of what happens. 
So Christmas and Jason are dancing around the house, as they do every morning, and she hops on his back for a piggy back ride. I don't know if he tripped over the grass or the ghost of mama Da' but he just takes a tumble and breaks Christmas' leg. You could hear the crunch. Paul suspects she'll come back, and realizes that they're both going after Cody, so concludes that it's best for his game if Jillian goes home. Jillian going home is the best for his game, Julie Chen's game, Peter Griffin's game and my game. So Paul starts campaigning his Armenian ass off to get the house to keep Christmas and send home Jillian. Watching him try and convince Kevin was hilarious because we all know once you give him a bowl of oatmeal, you can convince him to do just about anything. When Mark and Christmas have a heart to heart and his friendship with her causes him to question who he is going to send home. But, sis, was that sweat or tears all over his face when he came up out of her boobs after they hugged?
EVICTION CEREMONY (Christmas vs. Jillian)
The eviction ceremony begins with Christmas and Jillian giving their final attempts to sway their fellow housemates not to send them home. Christmas gave us all a Christmas in July present of an eargasm when she called out Jessica and Cody. Jillian was also present at the eviction ceremony. Jessica, Jason, Ramses (?) and Alex vote to send home Christmas. Kevin, Matt, Raven, Paul, Dominique, Mark (!!), Elena and Josh vote to evict Jillian - so Jillian is evicted from the house, and she looked like you burned her houses down. if there was ever an appropriate time to use the word SHOOK, this was it. Hands down the best reaction came from Cody, who looked like someone stole his camouflage hat. He was LIVID. He immediately got up and crunched his teeth together so hard I'm surprised they stayed in place. There was barely any time to start Jillian's exit interview because the house went insane. Cody immediately storms over to Mark, questioning who he voted for and Jessica and Christmas get into. Jessica called Christmas a coward, even though she was the one waited to pick a fight with the strongest looking girl in the house until after she got crutches. Theres not a doubt in my mind Christmas will still handle that ass, though. 
JILLIAN
There wasn't really a chance in heck for Jillian. I think America simultaneously chuckled when she said, during her final speech, she's participated in "some" of the competitions. She was really just there to eat the food. During her exit interview, she explained why she was so shocked. She thought the house would be split and Cody would break the tie, but clearly that didn't happen. By that logic I can understand why she was so shocked. Good luck in the future, Jillian!
The HOH game looks like a mess, so I'll save that for next time.
EPISODE GRADE: A
-I would normally refrain from posting a spoiler in the cover image, but I took so long to get this post up you should have seen this episode already. I mean, son, you should have already SEEN THIS BITCH.
-Shouldn't Ramses have been up on the block with them?
Cody's excuses-
"I understand what needs to happen in this game to make....everything happen."
"Y...y...ou don't understand it." No, Cody, you don't even understand at this point
-I think Jessica isn't even denying she's just planning on riding this dick bicycle all the way to the finale.
-Christmas and Paul both drag Jessica and Dominique for the alliance backdooring them was a hilarious running gag throughout the first half of the episode.
-Elena pissed off at Cody for ruining her "game" was funny considering her game is sucking dick.
-Putting on her sunglasses and just freezing was a hilarious way for Jessica to shut up when Paul was coming at her.
-"I give you my word as a MAN i'm with you and Christmas." I cackled.
-Raven: "I am SHOCKED." *grabs Paul's beard*
-Julie: Hi, Jessica.
Jessica: Hi, gorgeous.
Julie: ....Please give me your nomination."
-Josh: What's up, Julie?
Audience: LMAOOOOOO
I don't know why the audience laughed so hard at Josh just speaking, but same.
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