The Haves and the Have Nots: A Cup of Tea (5x01) - SEASON PREMIERE

Disclaimer: Spoilers for the season premiere of Tyler Perry and OWN's The Haves and the Have Nots after the jump! If you haven't seen it, do not click any further (until you've seen it, then definitely read)! Thank you to the Oprah Winfrey Network for the pictures!

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I haven't even tried to hide my feelings about OWN's The Haves and the Have Nots and If Loving You Is Wrong as of lately. The shows were never rich storytelling or anything innovative, but they were fun night time soaps that swung a bat at a baseball every week and never missed. Both shows have been severely dragging lately, only picking up steam towards (or during) the finales. I bailed on both shows midway through the season only to be back here giving one more go around! Whether the show's lagging because Tyler Perry is writing, directing and executive producing five shows across two networks or just because I'm getting sick of the shows, I don't know. But I've come this far so why not try to ride the wave out a little longer and see what happens?

Well, here it was. I've been waiting since season three for Kathryn and Veronica to finally have that cup of tea together and it was everything I could have hoped for and more! The season picks up exactly where it left off, and although it was just Kathryn staring at Veronica with a glare in her eye for fifteen minutes, they were nothing but a pure joy to watch. I half thought Kathryn was just going to throw the hot tea on her and see if she started to melt. The best part is that this storyline has felt earned, unlike some of the random plot twists the show throws in for the hell of it (everything about Ericka, Mitch randomly being a "Malone" -- as if we're supposed to remember that old bat who nearly gave Candace an abortion with a hanger for a fake baby she made up). Kathryn has been warning every last one of her enemies not to mess with her for 5 seasons, and it all climaxed with the D.A., who I like to call herpes because she never seems to go away, being shot and killed. Kathryn makes it clear the only reason Veronica is still alive is because she wants to strike fear in her, and that she's the best attorney in the country and expects her to get her off for killing the D.A. Veronica continues to prove what an excellent piece of trash she is, admitting to putting a known killer and rapist in the cell with Wyatt and calling herself Kathryn's friend in the same breath. I thought it was interesting how we finally got a little bit of back story on Veronica, even though it wasn't nearly enough to justify any of her actions from the past four years. If we end up getting more of her back story and developing her into more than a heartless bitch in a wig, I wouldn't be made. But at this point, after Kathryn sliced her ass, I wouldn't be mad if she died next week either. But bitch, shit, even Veronica's wig was scared of Kathryn tonight.

Brandon AKA Oscar is still getting his ass handed to him. He and Candace fight a little bit before he pushes them through a glass door and pins her down, claiming that if she helps him with his next mark that she can make back the money he took from her and then some. After she demands 2 million dollars on the spot, he denies it to her and she leaves. Honestly, Brandon has been useless since season three but if I wouldn't be mad if he ended up being her love interest again. It would be a step in the right direction for Candace's redemption arc (assuming they'd even try to redeem her at this point) if Brandon really meant all that stuff he said to Candace about her being important and if he fell in love with her during the con. Now clearly since that was two years ago, I'm willing to bet that won't be what happens but it's not like anything else on the show makes a lot of sense so why not? Before you ask, David's words are like a sleeping pill. I couldn't care less about what he did with Ericka this week.

Jeffrey's still an idiot, pining over Wyatt who's been asleep since Obama's first term as president. Officer Justin calls him from the crime scene and Jeffrey eventually confesses to his part in killing Quincy (being a willing participant) and that the body is underneath the garden. He was to busy dicking Justin down to tell him this from the beginning, in case you're wondering. Wyatt wakes up and heard him confessing to someone and, in true Wyatt fashion, tries to get up and leave even though his head is killing him and makes a joke about not taking enough drugs to kill him. If it weren't for his biceps, I would suggest they he take more than enough drugs to die (apparently next week he lets Jeffrey know, once again, how disgusting he thinks it is that he's gay. Yay!). At one point Jeffrey says something along the lines of not wanting to deal with Wyatt being so difficult. If...if you don't want to deal with him, walk out. Wyatt wouldn't stay around at Jeffrey's bedside if he was in a coma!

There came a point where Benny claimed that whenever he's around Candace he's a bit of a dummy. But trust me, Benny doesn't need Candace for him to be a dummy. Hanna is, at this point, the walking definition of "truth is I'm tired". Although she's mostly annoyed me throughout the run of the show, after five seasons of Candace, I'm pretty much sick of her. She's only gotten worse and more childish as the series has progressed. It's only been 5 seasons and I'm done with her, it's been at least 25 of Benny with Candace and he still gets played by her every 47 seconds. He has the IQ of the common acorn, still falling for her bullshit and it's kind of funny at this point as he says he'll give up the house so she won't turn herself in and finally pay for her crimes and take responsibility for herself. Like Hanna said, though, it's not like Candace would have actually turned herself in.

I don't see a bullet wound. All I see is ketchup, sis, but okay...

EPISODE GRADE: B+

Stray thoughts:

-I thought after a rough season 4B, we're off to a good start this year!

-Also, David agreed to get Jim and War bail.
-I forgot to say how GEEKED I was when Kathryn shot the DA and her last words were a whispered "bitch". Tyler has some God damn NERVE and I'm okay with it! HAHAHA

-Kathryn dead ass looked Veronica in the face after she told her that a crime had been committed in this house and asked her "where was I?" Kathryn. Was. A. GOAT.

-Veronica: I want to get out but all the doors are locked!

Kathryn: The window isn't.

G.O.A.T.

-Officer Justin after Jeffrey tells him the Quincy story. "This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Same, Justin. Same.

-I wonder if the ground got hot when Kathryn and Hanna were spilling ALL of that tea about Veronica and Candace, respectively.

-At least Kathryn acknowledges that she's gone insane.

-Jim is one of the shows biggest assets. He's entertaining and just a big pot of hot mess, I can't wait for him to get out of jail and stir the pot back up with War (even though I hate War).

-Benny's head is harder than a coconut.

-Candace: Didn't know you were here... 

Hanna: Didn't know you would mortgage my house, Benny's house and his towing company when I shot you out of my vagina. (should have been her response)

-Wyatt's had dead ass been asleep since March 2016 prior to tonight.

-Brandon's bloody eye looked like he had an eye patch on.