Unlike last week, this episode started off with a bang. Literally. The episode picks up with Randal in the shed trying to pull Marcie and Brad off of each other (because at this point he is stuck inside of her like a fat little boy stuck inside of the tunnels at Chuck E Cheese). Brad tells that man to get his hands off of her and throws his black ass out of the shed. To top the cherry off, he shuts the doors of the shed and you can hear him chaining that shit back up so he can go back to fucking Marcie like a jackrabbit. Randal tries to bust the door down but he ends up shouting and crying on the ground. Gee, karma's a sweaty little stanky bitch. Ain't she, Randal? Etta James(*Miss Louise) tries to control her son but "all he could do was cry." I really hope you got that reference. Randal continues to scream and shout and runs back into the house. Etta* follows him in and tells Randal he doesn't deserve this because out of context, it's all a little much. She has no idea that Randal had been screwing around on Marcie (literally) so has something adjacent to a right to be telling him what a little hoe she is being. Keep in mind, though, she still has no idea what's been going on or why Marcie has been acting like the third bat out of hell. When Randal tells her to shut up, it's a great moment for the audience because damn she talks way too much. In the context of the scene she has a right to be concerned, but to the audience this Crystal Meth colored wig is just ruthless, automatically blaming Marcie for everything (even before she knew she drank 73 bottles of wine per hour and called her everything but a child of God). No respect for Randal, eh? Randal finally is beginning to realize what it is he's done and what he's caused as he tries to mumble out things, such as "you don't understand..."
"I'm not going to stay here and l...." Okay, bye, Etta.
Kelly's face should be a meme. She charges back into the yard and forces the two out of the shed (although at this point, there shouldn't be much force because we all know Brad should be done by now #11:09). As they come out, they rub Kelly's face in it by kissing each other as they exit. Brad stuck his tongue so far down her throat he must have tasted what she had for breakfast. He stuck his tongue so far down her throat, I felt his tongue on my organs. He kissed that bitch so hard if Marcie pulled down her pants, you'd see his tongue peeking out of her ass. Marcie goes back into the house and continues to taunt Randall and Etta*. Marcie looks that woman dead in the eye and asked if she's ever been fucked good. Madame Jamesetta Hawkins walks up to Marcie and smacks her into life. Marcie, without hesitating, smacks that bitch so hard, I had to get ice for MY face. She smacked that soul singer so hard she's a different race now. She smacked that bitch so hard I had to have a come to Jesus moment. After a few more exchanges, Marcie uses every single adjective Etta* has used to describe Marcie and tells her exactly how she thought the same of Randal when she found out about the affair and after six long episodes of suffering through being called a slut and a whore and a drunk and trashy, Hemmens finally unleashes two seasons worth of pain to Etta*. It's a long time coming and as Hemmens looks Eltony Williams dead in his face, it's the absolute strongest we've ever seen her (and that's saying something). Similarly, the actress who plays Randal's mother's face dropping and her suspicions of him cheating on her are confirmed. It is absolutely heartbreaking to watch her stand there as she finally realizes the error of her ways, when it was the same son she had been defending like the reincarnation of Jesus that ruined their entire marriage, breaking their vows. This scene is the epitome of all we've been asking from this show and it was absolutely worth the snoozefest that was last week's "The Shed."
Marcie has morphed into a savage this episode:
"Just look at yourself." "What, never seen the look of satisfaction? Of course you don't, your face is so tight."
"Where is the damn wine?" "You drank it all."
"I'm not your maid." "You look like one." She actually looks like a Motown soul singer.
"Don't you ever put your hands on me, bitch." "You're the BITCH little girl." The way she hissed out "bitch" was priceless.
"He's using you like a SLAVE in a SHACK."
"It was intential with every kiss and lick and push and pull and wet thrust..."
"Every night that you are still here, I'll be out there with Brad on top of me." Hell hath no Fury like Marcie's scorn. BRAVO., Heather Hemmens!
Back over in Harlem or wherever the hell Natalie lives, she wakes up in the middle of the night to a phone call from the burger joint's owner, wondering where Faun is. Joey isn't around and Natalie immediately knows what's up. As Natalie stumbles in on Faun and Joey having sex on the meat counter, Tyler Perry does everything I've been asking of him and Natalie throws a bucket of cold mop water on the two of them and quickly gathers them together and for whatever reason, Joey's dumb monotoned ass didn't wear a condom. The irony of him fucking her raw on the counter where raw meat is prepared is just, that. Ironic. The next morning, Natalie has Lushion talk to Joey like he's a seventh grader about practicing safe sex.
Boy, you betta bleach:
-"DAMN MAMA." Joey been watching a lot of Cory in the House lately?
-"Ms. Henning please don't tell my daddy!"
-She came in a cab? You're telling me Faun took a cab to the Burger Joint in the middle of the damn night with a joint in her pocket just because she wanted some of Joey's sausage? Girl, move on.
-"That ain't my problem."
-"That ain't my problem."
-"Bleach these damn counters down."
-"Bleach this damn ...BLEACH BOY. BLEACH MOTHE....Boy, you betta BLEACH."
-"You know about diseases? HIV, aids, herpes?" "Yes." "HPV?" "Yes. Wait. What's HPV?" Boy, you betta bleach.
-Did Joey really have to start screaming about Faun's good ass pussy? Lushion ain't got time for that!
-Did Joey REALLY have to tell him to get the XL condoms? Boy, you betta bleach.
-Did Joey REALLY have to tell him to get the XL condoms? Boy, you betta bleach.
-The fact that Natalie pretended to be Joey was funny enough, but the fact that she lowered her voice to pretend to be him when he has a higher voice than her was priceless. Girl, you betta bleach.
Eddie comes by the office and Brad is trying to get in touch with Alex' parents so they can "come see their new grandchild." Eddie has no idea his new little cousin is black. The two have a conversation together and the main gist of it is that they want to call Alex' redneck pa to come down and raise hell on everyone's lives. Awk. Eddie goes back to the precinct begging for his job back and is gloriously shut down. Meanwhile, Ben and Michael B Jordan(*Pete) were in the academy together and Ben is trying to get the video of him getting shot back, that would incriminate Eddie. He begs him to go out for a beer but Michael B Jordan isn't budging. The only thing that would make me care about this scene would be if Ben was secretly harboring feeling for Michael because he is pressed like a rented tux to get that drink with him. I honestly just don't care about this storyline because the actors are just so uncompelling when it comes to it. Aside from Joel Rush (Eddie) but he's not even in this scene that's clearly asking to be fast forwarded.
Eddie is the best:
-"Backwoods ass, they probably have some soup cans and string tied together." Eddie, on his family's phones.
-"My country ass bigot Uncle Rusty."
-"The same man who'd put a bullet in someone before sitting next to a gay or black man." Say what you want about Eddie, but by his tone of voice it seems like he doesn't approve and because of that, I approve of Eddie this episode.
-Eddie's cop ass brings a joint to Brad while he's working.
Kelly needs a no fuck boys allowed T-shirt. I was sort of feeling for him a little when Kelly played him like a game of chess but this scene was just tragic to watch. The amount of twitter nigga we get from Travis is way too much for me to handle as he hypocritically asks if she's into someone else. After she says no, and reads him like a Sunday newspaper, he tells her "let me find some man up in here." She once again reads him, as she talks about all of her accomplishments and her triumphs to get this house to which he applauds her, but repeats, "let me find some man getting comfortable." Travis, let Kelly up in your place and let her find a paycheck. Let her come up in your place and let her find a job application. Let her come up in your place and let her find anything even adjacent to something relevant. Travis disgusts me in 50 shade of fuck boy. If he was an airhead, his flavor would be nigga. As Ramsey knocks on the door, and comes in the house, he ignores Travis any time he speaks. I join the ranks of team Ramsey as, a clearly jealous, Travis asks what he means by "last night" and Ramsey just gives him a "you're trying it" look and continues speaking to Kelly. Travis, of course, looks like a trashy fuckboy fool as he finds out Ramsey's mom died last night and she was just consoling him. Travis just needs to get his life together and stop riding for a woman who stopped giving about him and his antics when the series finale of How I Met Your Mother aired.
#TeamKelly:
-"You can keep those on." "Oh, no *chuckles* you're not staying."
-"Even if there was someone else, what does that have to do with you?"
-"Little boy, get the HELL out of my house." *throws him out* "You hear what I said?"
I have been saying for weeks how savage Marcie and Etta James* are together, if those two teamed up can you imagine the hell they would rain on Randal's life and this show, in general? Etta* comes into Marcie's room with a hangover cure that Marcie refuses to drink in fear of getting poisoned. This all leads up to Etta* saying that Randal and Alex came to Denver together "on business." Her friend told her that they were staying in the same room together but she didn't "think" her son could do "what his father had done to [her]." It gives a little insight to why Etta* had been protesting so hard that her son was so perfect. When it was alluded that Randal might be cheating on Marcie, she refused to believe it because she refused to believe her son could hurt another woman the way he hurt her. In a way she was covering it up because, not only did she want to see the best in her son, but didn't want to reopen those old wounds and think of her son the same way she thought of his father. This scene gives us a chance to go into the world of Miss Louise (she's earned that name back) and allows us to feel for her and turns her from a foil of Marcie's, to an ally and it's wonderful to watch the two of them bond. This woman is doing an excellent job of portraying her, but I can't help but think Cicely Tyson must not have room in her schedule because when you think of the church grandma of Tyler Perry productions, you immediately think of her. Think of how impact Cicely Tyson would have been this week? She is giving us WORDS. For the next few weeks (or as long as she keeps being so churchy and flawless), we are going to have a new segment:
Miss Louise, Fix My Life:
-"Doing the right thing is hard. It takes strength and courage, which you have."
-"If you never hear another word from me from the rest of your life, hear this..."
-"What you do next will determine the rest of your life. Now you get up and BE in that pain. BE in that hurt. BE in that hell and you make do. And you make BETTER. You wanna know what that's called, baby? It's called being a woman." Were your hands up in the air, too?
The final scene finds Brad burning pictures in the barbeque. Kelly came over wondering what was burning. He then brings out a box full of baby names and says dramatic things that are covered in dramatic music and hilariously dramatic camera zooms. He leaves and that's the end of the episode. Okay? Awkward ending to an, otherwise, fantastic episode of ILYIW.
EPISODE GRADE: A
Brad is a savage:
This man threw Randal out of the shed, locked it back up and went straight back to fucking the life out of Marcie.
"I'm disgusted by this." "Who gives a damn, Kelly?"
"Same time tomorrow Brad?" "You bet your ass." *kisses her so hard, my jaw starts to ache*
"You don't have the decency to ask how I'm doing after I got shot?" "I'm looking at you and you look just fine."
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