X Factor UK: Top 11 Live Show RECAP

SHADE, HEFFA. SHADE. Honey, there was so much shade on Saturday's live show you could hide three elephants and an air balloon under that tree. There's a moment during the Top 11 performance show of The X Factor UK where Monica Michael is being critiqued by the judges. Simon Cowell is speaking on her appearance. Monica Michael is an individual. She has her own style which she describes as "street." I dig it. I dig it because it fits her, she looks amazing. This week she was wearing a dress and had her hair full out. I'm not judging her appearance, I think she looks gorgeous but one can see where Simon is coming from. Where am I going with this? Rita Ora has gone through the whole night (doing her version) of biting her tongue and she shouts out "LOOK AT HER SHE'S AMAZING." 

Monica looking extremely uncomfortable as Rita has an outburst.

Yes, Monica looks amazing. What else does she look like? Extremely uncomfortable and that is how I felt the entire night watching the live show. The judges were at each other's throats. I can't be the only one who felt all the tension? The only judge I enjoyed the entire night from top to toe was, believe it or not, Cheryl.

Cheryl was not having any of this nonsense. Cheryl's act, 4th Impact, was up first and everything was hunky dory during the judge's comments on their performance but as they begin talking about Rita's appearance Cheryl's face is priceless. She is already sick of the bullshit and tries to get the judges back on track by motioning to the girls and reminding them it's "about the contestants." The only reason why this little comment, by Cheryl Fernandez-Versini of all people, stuck out like a sore thumb in the night was because it was what I had to constantly tell myself the entire show in order not to go crazy. Cheryl was the bright spot in a night full of awkwardness. She gave decent criticism and was a great mentor to her contestants. Simon was ruthless during 4th Impact's judges comments. First off, he told her that the other song probably would have been better and she quickly shot back "If you had seen it, which you're present for, it wasn't..." It was a pretty great moment because it was actually warranted. It was one of the few quips of the night that actually made sense. Simon then proceeds to call her a narcissist by choosing her song and she, once again, superbly shoots back, "Well they chose it, soooo." Cheryl was a joy to watch because she stuck up for herself. Finally. She didn't seem like the lesser judge and, may I just say, shade is a beautiful color on the (already gorgeous) woman. The rest of the judges' comments are pretty funny and magnificently shady. Nick tells the girls that he liked their song and Simon shoots up like a 4th of July cannon calling him out, "I thought you didn't like it..." Then he called Rita "Cruela," which was hilarious because the only thing she was missing was the sawed off nose and black half of her hair. My absolute favorite was Nick once again telling the girls he loved their song, "It's my fave!," to which Simon swiftly said:

The first issue of the night came across clearly after Kiera Weathers performed. And no, for once, the issue wasn't Kiera Weathers' actual performance. It was Simon saying he wouldn't have chosen that song for her. First off, I have no idea what the hell Simon was talking about. Under the circumstances of Kiera being...well Kiera, she did the best she possibly could have done and sounded fairly good and looked good up on the stage. Rita begins to get enraged and she shouts out, "Well what would you have chosen?" Simon replies, "I'm not her mentor sweetie." And Rita Ora finally tells him "there's a reason for that." There was her first flaw of the night. This is supposed to be a fun night. You're supposed to take the criticism of your fellow mentors and embrace it. Whenever Simon disagrees with her, she immediately gets angry and does something out of retaliation (which we will get to later). Shade is quiet, shade is calm. Had she phrased it differently or even changed her tone of voice, I would have been on Team Ora but not only was her tone of voice a bit on the messy side but later in the night she does something else that puts me on team...*barfs*...Simon. 

Nick was wonderful during Simon's critique. By wonderful I don't exactly mean wonderful. He was a bit unreasonable with his quip back to Simon during his critique of Sean Miley Moore's performance which he called "lazy." Nick, hilariously - and accurately, shoots back "we reinvented that song...not mash up two songs like you did with Anton." Rita laughs, Cheryl laughs, I laugh because it was true. What Simon said was pretty much irrelevant because Sean clearly stated in his video package that was the type of artist he wanted to be. NO. He does not have to have a talk with his mentor so he can turn himself into a pop star because he doesn't want to be a regular pop star...or whatever the hell that was Anton did this week. Nick was spot on when he said it wasn't a talent show performance, it was something you would see on a major awards show. It was different, it was unique and Simon was sort of wrong. I complete agreed with Nick. At least, I do, for now. We'll get into this later...

"Bitch, control may be the name of a Janet Jackson album but
it's also something you don't have."

Now here's where the problem came in. Simon, what a shock, was at it again. Telling Monica Michael he hated her performance. He said that she was stripped of everything that was authentic about her. Which I agreed with until Rita pops her Mustang Sally ass out of nowhere at reminds him what the theme was. I agreed with her to an extent, but I also didn't agree with her. And we're going to break it down, don't worry. Rita is human. I understand that she was in the heat of the moment. Simon was making critiques of her mentoring skills all night and she was having trouble composing herself. I probably would have too. By this point in the night you can tell every time he speaks she wants to take her cup of whatever is in that mug and throw it directly in his face but, girl, keep it together. She's over here shouting and Simon so loud the cats in the alley of my local McDonald's in Maryland hid. When I tell you Monica Michael look like she wanted to go in the corner of the stadium and just chew on a box of mints when Rita was talking. She looked up to the heavens for help. My personal favorite reaction to Rita's outburst came from, my new girlfriend, Cheryl. She looked at her like "Bitch, if you don't pull it together with that demon's spawn hanging off your shoulder..." Mind you, I still haven't gotten to the real meat of why I wrote this seperate article.

"Maybe you should have a talk with yoooour mentor." Maybe you
should hush? (:

Rita's face as SOON as Max finished singing.

Nick and Rita are petty. After Max Stone's performance, they came out looking like pre-schoolers who were mad that Simon ate their chocolate bar. Nick and Rita may as well have dressed up as Betty and Fetty for Halloween because they were being so damn petty. Nick started the panel off innocent enough, telling Max he was cooler than his performance of "Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" which I didn't have a problem with mostly because I love Max and he's always cool and yes. The problem came in when Nick arched his back, leaned across the table and looked dead at Simon and told Max "Maybe you should have a talk with your mentor..." ...no. What we're not going to do is overlook the contestants, Nick. What we're not going to do is hold grudges for the night by saying something completely irrelevant about your artist just to spite Simon for criticizing your mentee earlier in the night. Max specifically said to Nick that this is the type of guy he was, his personality, he was relaxing on the beach or whatever he was saying and Nick should have just left it there. Max is clearly a cool guy, but the competition needs to never EVER do this theme again because it just caused so many problems. What even is reinvention? Is it reinvention of a song or reinvention of the artist? Cheryl stated her definition of it "This is reinvention week, it would not be you on a normal week" and maybe if she said it earlier in the night we wouldn't have had so much to talk about with the identity crisis of Monica, or Sean's dramatized take on a classic song or the Max debacle. The judges are above this. I've seen them be better than this, and they are above what they showcased tonight and I hope next week we can get back to the fun and away from the bickering.

Side Note: MY GIRL CHERYL CAME CLUTCH WITH THE SHADE. Nick said, "I'm so happy you're hear this week" after Kiera performed and before he could even finished the sentence, Queen Cheryl stood high up on her thrown and basically said, "Well of course you are, bitch, you saved her and sent my Aliens home." It was quick, it was quiet, (it was also paraphrased by me), but it was just Cheryl being playfully petty and shady and I would love her to bring more of it. Cheryl was a riot tonight and I would love this to become a recurring thing:

I will not be recapping every live show this thoroughly (mostly because it took me nearly two hours to write) but the judges really pissed me off and I thought ehhh this is my blog so let me just share these feelings.