If Loving You Is Wrong: Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes/The Shed (2x04/2x05)

Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes (2x04):

All I could think of when the nurse came in and Alex told the nurse she wasn't sleeping, then Kelly said she thought she was, was that Kelly should have guess by now how excellent she is at being fake. It's all seriousness I say time and time again that the show is at it's best and brightest when it embraces it's soap opera elements but there are certain times we need to take a break and just allow the show to breath and have a good time. Not only is this scene (the first half, anyways) an excellent way to slow down and allow all the intertwining plots to breath but it's also just another reminder of what Kelly's character brings to the show. No matter what she's going through, no matter how Travis has wronged her in Travis' idiocity of the week, she also finds a way to smile and bring everyone together and puts a smile on everybody else's face. Having Alex ask her about what's been going in her life is also a way to breath some life back into Alex, at least as you see the first smile on her face since the pilot as Kelly goes on about her Travis ordeal. I'm not going to into great detail about the moments where Alex goes on about Brad and Randal and how she screwed up because it's all old news by now, but Edwina Findley is just a joy to have around on this show.

And here we get into the meat of the episode (and by meat I mean MEAT. Miss Louise may be a bitch but she looks like she can cook some mashed potatoes and beans, that plate looks so good). Marcie comes downstairs twirling a wine glass and it doesn't take much for her and Miss Louise (we have to call her Miss Louise because black) to start going at it, all of it cumulating in her telling Marcie that she warned Randal not to marry her. At this point all I'm thinking is Marcie needs to lie the truth on deck like an Ace of Spades because this is all getting a little ridiculous at this point. The audience is taken into the mind of Randal as Miss Louise tells Marcie he's always had a thing for women with blond hair and blue eyes. Hmm, I wonder who else has blond hair and blue eyes? On this show. Next door. Currently in a hospital bed? As Marcie alludes to Randall cheating on her, this is the first glimpse of humanity we see on Miss Louise' face. Up until this point she's really just been a plot device, as opposed to a new character. She's served as a foil to Marcie and really just an overall pain in the ass. She's a bitch but she makes for some good ass television. The look on Miss Louise' face as she looks at Randal and says "son" is a little heart breaking. Not because Miss Louise has given us a reason to feel for the character but because the actress is just a natural mother figure. Her look of disappointment to Randal before Marcie knocks her back into "reality" is too real. The look of fear on her face as Marcie tells her to "see if [she] wake[s] up" if she goes to sleep with her on the same floor makes me feel for the character too. Once again because of the actress and I just look at her like my grandma. Honestly, that's it. 

I don't know if I have the energy to write about the audacity of Eddie in this scene so instead of writing about the actual scene we're forced to witness we're just going to run into a round of 

Eddie is the best:

"Whaaaat? He got shot?" Eddie's fake ass couldn't even muster up the energy to look shocked and just changed the tone of his voice. Eddie is so fake if you lift his ass up you'll see made in China.

*flicks Ben's nub hand*

"Man I bet that did hurt."

"All of them will be gone next time..."

"Bitch, please. You're shot, I'm shot, who gives a damn?"

Brad's pain isn't as much pain as is it is driving him insane. He has absolutely no emotion on his face as sits in Randal's shed and asks him if he had sex with her in this "deep dark dusty place." When Randal asks why with those big ass eyes all I can think of is what a lucrative part of the nervous system he must be because he has so much nerve to say half the things he says let alone ask why to anything Brad asks. I was waiting for Marcie jump out with knives for the two of them to go Hannibal on Randal. One thing you can't take away from Tyler Perry psychos is whenever they're asked about their bullshit, they will answer you with complete honestly. Anytime Brad asked him something about Alex and if this was where they had sex he would calmly answer "yes." It's interesting to look at the drastic development of Brad's character, it's much similar to Marcie's in a way. The two were extremely quiet and loving in Season 1A but as soon as the cat was let out of the bag, the two of them let all hell break loose on their spouses. As Brad talks about what an evil person he's never been, how he just wanted to settle down with a family and be good it was heartbreaking to see what all of this has done to him. His heart is broken, his soul is crushed and his humanity is almost non-existent at this point.

Brad is a savage:

I think "deep dark dusty place" was just Brad shading Randal.

"There's a saw right beside you. With my military I could grab it, break your ankle and shove it through your sternum before you can even call out Peppa. Wanna see?" Ooh, Brad.

"I've never been an evil person." Lol, Brad. 

"I mean I killed so many people in Iraq. Sometimes I can't help thinking, what's two more?"

"Right here where you bent my wife over."

"I'm sorry." You didn't do anything. "No, but I will."

Let's get one thing clear, waking up next to Randal's smile looks like a nightmare. His smile looks like the Chesire Cat. And you see that one vein popped back out? Randal is frighteningly delusional at this point, his smile doesn't drop as he confusingly asks "What do you mean?" as Alex freaks out because...it's Randal. Even if she wasn't his baby daddy, it's Randal. As she tells him to get out, he sits on her bed and tells her he loves her. The look of confusion of his face as she calls the nurse just screams out how far gone he is at this point. He asks about the baby, telling her he'd "love to see him." He asks if Brad is happy. This is where I get confused. We all were just a witness to the scene right before this, correct? We all saw how clearly unhappy Brad was, seeing as he threatened to shove a saw through his sternum. Randal's mental health just looks to be completely out there as he calls her Peppa again. His face goes from smiles to sadness to despair to smiles to frighten to desperation for her affection. His stare is firmly planted on Alex as he exits the door. It's scary.

Side note:

So, nurse, there's only two of you bitches working on this ENTIRE floor? Because clearly Randal is on the no fly list when it comes to this hospital. #TeamSliceThatNigga

And here we reach the climax of the episode with Marcie and Brad. Just seeing them out there sitting together, you can already tell what's going to happen. Not only was this heavily foreshadowing multiple times whenever they exchanged glances or spoke in the previous flashback episode, but they've also already touched on getting intimate with each other to get back at there spouses, yet for some reason this still seems a little underdeveloped? I'm not sure if it was the fact they've barely shared any screen time together since the midway point of season one, but also when they are together their dialogue is so cringe inducing that it erases any chance of the scene being firey and passionate. As they drink Brad's hard liqour she comments on how it will "put hair on [her] chest." To which he replies that her hairy chest would "still look beautiful." "You're beautiful and your skin is like silk. I know because I've kissed your lips...I still remember how they taste." "Why'd you stop?" And when she said "solid build. Jaw line." that was my cue to tap out. Long story short, they go to the shed and start kissing as Miss Louise watches from her room. Marcie looks down at his pants and tells him that when Alex said Randal was bigger, "she lied to [him]." Yup. That's how we ended this episode.

(Brad is still a savage):

"You took his boat apart." *smirks* "I did? Didn't I?"

Sidenote:

Won't Brad have reached completion before the episode fades to black?

EPISODE GRADE: B+

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Shed (2x05):

I am reviewing these episodes together because virtually nothing happened in "The Shed." Let's just discuss how they ended last episode with such a banger and started this off with the two driest characters in the show (Lushion and Esperanza) talking about Alex' baby and Esperanza repeatedly telling him not to tell Eddie anything. Telling him that "Natalie" should tell him and he needs to stop questioning her basically. The scene goes on for a couple more minutes and it's as painful as it sounds.

Michael B Jordan got a role on If Loving You is Wrong? Lushion's new partner looks smack like a shorter, goofier, lankier version of Michael B Jordan so that's how we'll be referring to him from now on. He basically just spends his scene talking about nonsense. We don't have any "Brad is a savage" moments this week so let's replace is with "Ben is a whiny bitch." Clearly we've established that he is a drug addict at this point, so while the hospital is giving him medicine it's clearly not enough to completely put him at ease. And when I tell you Benjamin is so lucky I am not his nurse because I would pretend to inject him with meds and really just put his ass to sleep. Pete comes in with the jokes and Ben just spends the scene whining. Bitch. Being a whiny bitch. Eddie picks Ben up later in the night and they drive to the convenient store around where Eddie shot Ben in order to get the tape and arrest the evidence. Meanwhile, my boy Michael B Jordan is walking out of the store with coffee and a paper bag. Even Stevie Wonder could see that Michael got to the tape before them. They have a back and forth that ends in Michael leaving with the tape. Eddie's not really the best this week just the shadiest.

Sidenote:

Seeing as this is a Tyler Perry program, why didn't Michael think to throw the hot coffee on him and run back to the precinct real quick?

Faun, the boss' daughter at the burger joint (has first off been recast with Tyler Perry's knock off version of Megan Goode), shows up as Joey is closing up shop. The two of them have hinted and feeling each other before but nothing has really come out of it until now when she shows up all but begging him to pull his pants down as we're forced to hear Tyler Perry flirting dialogue. She takes out a joint, Joey is worried that the cameras will catch them. Faun spends a minute talking about where the cameras point to when honestly they could have either walked outside to smoke this joint or gone to the bathroom. Out of nowhere they start having sex where they cook the food and...yeah. Okay. Cringiest lines were Joey saying "you know I want it" and her telling him to "take it." And oh lawd did he take it.

Kelly wakes up in the middle of the night and sees someone trying to break into the house next door. She calls 9-11. Esperanza is training Lil Kim and she answers the call. For some reason there isn't a prompt in front of her and Esperanza is standing up like Wendy Williams telling her what to do. It was painful to see Esperanza with any authority, given the fact that she's Esperanza. The cops come to the house and it's not a burgler, it's Jean's (the shady neighbor) son trying to get into the house because he couldn't get a hold of his mother. Jean has passed away in the house and Kelly tries to console him.

Side notes and best quotes:

-"Girl, you should get down."-Lil' Kim/Claudia is me.

-I found it extremely ridiculous that Esperanza was listening in on the phone the home time, yet couldn't tell it was Kelly. Her best friend.

-I honestly thought the cops were going to catch Marcie and Brad.

-Lushion was being so unnecessarily rough with Jean's son. I don't understand why he had to roughen him up so much when he could have just called the paramedics and get help for the mom. It's his mother. I know they needed filler for this episode but that was so unnecessary. 

"You gon' get me shot." - Kelly.

Alex calls to check on the kids and realizes Brad isn't in the house. She calls Kelly, Kelly goes to look for Brad and cuts through their back yard, mind you she's still on the phone with Alex. Alex tells her to go over to Randal and Marcie's and a hesitant Kelly goes in the back to look for him. Kelly doesn't see anything but Kelly can hear their porno as she sees the shed shaking so hard I'm surprised their wasn't an Earth Quake. These two were fucking so hard, I had to check my backyard to make sure there wasn't any funny business outside. They fucked so hard, Daphne from Switched at Birth could hear that shit. They were fucking so hard I'm surprised the shed didn't just turn into sawdust. Kelly gasps and blames it on a spider. Kelly hangs up and is dramatically gasping outside of Randal's house and Norman Bates comes out to ask what "the hell" she's doing outside of his house. Before she can say anything, Etta James comes back from the grave and pulls him into the backyard. Kelly does the dougie and gets the smooth fuck out of there because she knows all hell is about to break loose. Etta James watches Randal yank the barnyard doors open "at last." (I couldn't resist) You want to know the gag? As the door opens and Randal stands there in the darkness, Marcie and Brad are still fucking like the zombie apocalypse is upon us.

Why he gotta look like a Scooby-Doo villian?

Brad is a savage:

Although he has no lines in this episode, Alex' name in his phone is "Lying bitch." 

Ugh, Alex:

So you couldn't lift your neck to look at your baby but you're going to stand up and, what, walk to your damn house after you just came out of a C-section like 6 hours ago?

EPISODE GRADE: C