The Haves and the Have Nots: Railroad (5x16)

Disclaimer: Spoilers for this episode of Tyler Perry and OWN's The Haves and the Have Nots after the jump! If you haven't seen it, do not click any further (until you've seen it, then definitely read)! Thank you to the Oprah Winfrey Network for the pictures!

Bitch?! What?! I'm not sure if someone planted the laptop with all of those pictures of Charles and his family but if so then someone got her good. Charles tells them to cuff her, I guess just to scare her, because he tells them to un-cuff her and sends her out of the room. He questions why she didn't back the recording of him up and why she didn't go after him. Candace says it's because she actually likes him but I think it's a crock of crap. Candace is in deep, deep mess and the little mini satans that run the computer that is her brain are shuffling around trying to run damage control. The fact that Charles fucked her literally right before the secret service came into the room (and nearly everything he says after he sends them back out) is proof enough that he's a fuck nigga supreme. He tells her he's going to grant her the opportunity to fuck the future most powerful man in the world, that she's out of her league and then to add Fitzgerald Grant to injury, he wanted her to be one of the girls for him to fuck whenever he steps into town. When I heard "one of" I almost choked on my water. He tells Candace he can trust her and then there's a knock at the door. 

After all of this fuck shit, seeing Landon's pure, unscathed face is a blessing. I guess he's Charles' campaign manager or something because he tries to get him to head out with him somewhere but Landon, being Landon, gets pushed around by him. Off topic, but if Landon was really as good as he said he was, the second Charles even thought about saying no to him he would have three Olivia Pope monologues in his back pocket ready to smack Charles' smug ass. The second I saw the way Charles was speaking to Landon, after just speaking to Candace the way he did, my suspicions were confirmed that he's nigga Fitz. Fine, ain't shit and smug. As soon as Candace comes up with a game plan I think she'll turn the tables on him because there was just something off about the way she was letting him read her like that.

Speaking of ain't shit, speaking of smug, speaking of fine, Veronica struts into Melissa's hospital room. Immediately as she compliments Veronica's dress she whispers something about changing it when she goes home. Veronica forces her to apologize, tells her she doesn't give a fried over banana fuck about her. All she cares about is her legacy and her grand baby. Everything else can burn. Melissa says she wants to die and join her father but Veronica slaps her black ass TWICE. This time she's actually awake to feel it. Veronica calls her dad and "old negro" then basically threatens to paralyze her so she can see what it's really like to be dead (but also be alive). She reminds her the only reason she's still alive is because of her grand child. To he honest, Veronica's doing the most. And until Melissa grabs something and knocks Veronica out with it, I can't see it for her either. 

Veronica visits Benny in jail, because she's his lawyer. He tells her the secret service was threatening him, she doesn't see that in his report, and she tells him he was charged for murder. Veronica said that it didn't make any legal sense, but to me it flat out doesn't make any sense. Is he being held for Quincy or the presidential candidate? I guess that's supposed to be the gag but Tyler can only stretch this out so long before it becomes old. In the spirit of this episode, Benny's also doing way too much. He thinks Veronica is orchestrating the whole thing because he "put it on" her so good. Veronica shuts it down, asking him who he could have pissed off to get him in trouble like this. But she also might still want to get in his pants (I can't blame her) because she tells him that after she takes care of this he's going to have to "work" this debt off.

Hanna and Katheryn are picking out a casket for Lil Q. Hanna calls Benny again and Mitch picks up the phone again. I can't even respect Mitch's hustle because he is a horrible, horrible liar. Keep some note cards on you if you have to but it's like Mitch was trying to get caught up in a lie. Katheryn snatches the phone away and asks where Benny is. Mitch tells her that he's in jail and they agree that Hanna doesn't need to hear that. Katheryn says she'll take care of it but Hanna starts freaking out so she blurts out that Benny's in jail and Hanna takes off. I get Hanna being so worried but Katheryn needs to crush up some Benedryl or something in her cereal to get her to calm the hell down and go somewhere and rest. I'm surprised Hanna isn't the one dead with all this stress she's under.

Wyatt wakes up in his hospital room and Anna leaves to go get the car because he's been discharged. Jim comes in after, trying to convince him to give the money back so they can put it in an account for him because even if he isn't a drug addict anymore Wyatt is an immature, reckless moron. All Wyatt can talk about is how he's going to testify against Jim in court and there's nothing he can do to stop him. Wyatt storks out and Jim calls Oscar, telling him that he needs to get the money back from Wyatt before he goes off the rails again. Anna calls Jeffrey and tells him Wyatt's going him and then officer Just-inside of him posts up at his hotel room and tells him about the conversation with his mom. Jeffrey tells him him that his mom with without a doubt raise hell on his life and blackmail him. Justin apologizes again for attacking him, Jeffrey's dumb ass tells him he wants to see him again and Justin hilariously asks him "am I doing better?" Justin swears up and down that he is committed to Jeffrey because his dick has Justin doing back flips. When he brings up Wyatt again it's obvious he's fully officially transformed into a clingy bottom. But three cheers for Justin actually leaving the room!

EPISODE GRADE: B-

Storyline grades:

Charles/Candace: A-

Veronica/Melissa: B

Katheryn/Hanna: B

Wyatt/Jim: B-

Benny: C+

Jeffrey/Justin: C+

Stray notes:

-Click HERE for more #HAHN reviews.

-David and Ericka share screen time again. Me and a pillow shared a good snooze. The only thing interesting about the scene is when Veronica pops up at the end to remind Ericka she don't play.

-"We will deal with the issue of who put it on whom after I get you out of here." What a classy hoe!

-"I'll make sure you eat, even if it's just the crumbs from his table." Veronica basically telling Melissa she'll probably be eating the scraps off of the baby's plate at Thanksgiving.

-I forgot to mention that Landon told Charles about an accident involving the death of child...I'm pretty sure he was talking about Candace's child. And she still has no idea he's dead. Yikes.

Candace. Is. Gagged.

Candace: "My name is Candace Young." Nigga Fitz: "No, your name is out of your league."

Nigga Fitz: "I'm going to grant you this opportunity to sleep with the soon to be most powerful man in the world."

Nigga Fitz: "I was hoping you could be one of those places." ONE. OF.

Worst sexual innuendo of the night:

Candace: "Wow, I guess I blew it with you." Nigga Fitz: "Yeah, you blew the hell out of it."