Let's just start of with the meaningless introductions. Immediately as the episode opens, we're introduced (or reintroduced, depending on who you ask) to Keyshia Cole. She let her ex/baby daddy (...Booby) move in with her because he's broke and trying to "build up his career". When she's at the studio later, he pledges his allegiance to her and says he will be there for her and their son. That's all we get of them. Brooke Valentine is singing runs for her life on this beach when we're introduced to her storyline: she's dating her producer, Marcus Black. At least his name isn't Booby. He tells her that his mom is coming into town and she wants some alone time with her. His mom ends up spilling the news that he's actually still married. She dresses up in a maid outfit to tease him when he drops by her place but she yells at him for still being married and not telling her, but I guess she forgives him for being ain't shit because she let him hug her and, well, that's what they do on this show.
Hazel and her freezing cold nipples are on some rented boat with a college aged dude named after an iPhone 8 color. I assume all he's good for is licking food off of her and blowing out her back. She's going over the guest list for her single release party (I assume) and wondering who she should invite. Teairra's invitation is questionable because of her newfound friendship with Masika. Hazel-E is a new level of immature. She's still mad about Berg choosing Masika over her, what, three years ago? If I'm not mistake, he whooped her ass after the first season reunion so she could at least attempt to be the bigger person (mentally. Every other part of her body has swollen up from all the surgery to be larger that Masika physically) and bury the hatchet. Masika may be messy as hell but how about you just move on with your ghetto fabulous life, your new nigga who licks whipped cream off your crusty ass baby toes and move the hell on? If you don't fuck with them, don't invite them.
Moniece started a relationship with Ruby Rose and Masika (thinks she's) snapped back. When she said it was milf season, I swore she said milk season because it looks like her titties are still swollen with milk. We're also introduced to Zell, who I guess is Teairra's cousin. The four of them discuss the invitations they received (in their spam) to Hazel's event and decide to go. When they get there, they immediately deface Hazel's poster and Masika hands out some headphones for them to cancel out the sound of Hazel's singing. Hazel posts up after she lands a VH1 sponsored helicopter next to the party and starts performing the song from her SoundCloud playlist in the key of Hazel-B flat. When she finishes performing and starts talking to the crowd, Masika starts heckling her and she calls her out. Masika throws a drink at her and security separates them.
The next day (presumably), Hazel calls up Teairra Mari (who didn't show up to her event) and they go out to lunch. Well, they make it to the table somehow. Teairra's mad at Hazel for talking shit about her on the streets, Hazel's mad because she thinks Teairra doesn't follow girl code (STILL. MAD. ABOUT. BERG.) and thinks escalate from 0 to 120 real quick. It turns into the dollar store version of NeNe and Sheree's fight from, ironically, the fourth season premiere of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Hazel throws a drink on Teairra, then says in her confessional that Teairra's always starting drama. Hazel-E walked into the restaurant, looking like the lead cast member for the live action reboot of Ducktales, with the intention of starting a fight with Teairra and of course the fool took the bait.
Hazel is having drinks with Miss Nikki baby, telling her about the fight with Teairra. Nikki is really concerned for Teairra because she doesn't want her to keep going down this path of violence, and Hazel is low key worried about her too but more concerned about this shit with Masika. Nikki invites some girl named Alexis Skye. Apparently she was with Fetty Wap before Masika fucked him and got knocked up. The three of them team up against Masika and her squad and plan to show up at the karaoke spot they hang out with. They show up but only end up seeing her squad because Masika is off busy and broke somewhere. Zell is without a question, at this point, taking over Jason Lee's position on the recurring cast because when Alexis threw a drink at him, mama gave zero fucks and chucked one right back in her face.
EPISODE GRADE: B+
I've been (sadly) a fan of Love & Hip Hop for quite a few years now. I've been watching on and off for years but started regularly watching back in late 2015 (actually around the time I started this blog up). I've been hooked ever since when I saw the preview for this season, I thought it would be the perfect time to start reviewing it. Whether I'll regularly cover the whole season, remains to be seen, but I'll definitely stick around for the first few weeks to feel things out.
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