If Loving You Is Wrong: The Last Word (2x13)

Warning: This contains spoilers for the latest episode of If Loving You Is Wrong. If you haven't seen it, go watch it and eat that last piece of chicken. If you have...why are you still reading this? Review after the jump!

At this point, saying Randal's crazy black ass is delusional would be an understatement. Despite the fact that he slept with Alex and is rubbing the fact that she was able to carry his baby and Marcie couldn't in her face he still blames her for all the drama that's happening in their lives right now. Talking to Randal seems to be the equivalent to talking to a brick wall (bumpy exterior aka Randal needs a bevel razor, them razor bumps girl...). At this point I feel like Eltony Williams (Randal) groans to himself when he sees these scripts because Randal is just a broken, slutty, bruised up record. Miss Louise tries to talk some sense into her no sense beanstalk of a son by sharing a story of her past, revealing to him that all of the money she made in her dream flower store was "garnished" to pay for child support for her husband's love child with one of her friends. Shame. I love seeing Miss Louise read Randal all day but it can only be so fun when it doesn't get through to him and she clearly doesn't get through to him because when Marcie comes downstairs later he lets her have it. He throws shade, talks shit about her to her face and she just ignores it all until she reveals she's moving out and basically shoved the middle finger in his face. Clearly, Randal is six years old and needs to be the center of attention so he follows her outside taunting her about his baby with Alex. When she takes off he shouts out "you wanna meet my son with Alex?" ...about six feet away from where Rusty (Alex' nicotine chewing, rusty, racist ass dimwit rapist of a father) is standing. As he hears this, he's in absolute shock, screaming "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!," much to the pleasure of Randal who looks like he wants to end up a victim on the six o'clock news with that disheveled ass smirk on his face.

-You know what WAS Marcie's fault? Accepting those damn charges.

-Miss Louise looks like she's wearing her old flower shop.

-Randal's father cheated with his wife's friend and got her pregnant. Randal cheated with his wife's friend and got her pregnant. You two aren't similar, how, my nigga?

Marcie: "At least that means I don't have to kill her, he will."

Randal: "Alex said it was over in five minutes." Actually, two. 11:07 - 11:09.

So apparently Claudia is distraught over Pete, but her face and body forgot to express it. I've always liked Claudia, but the fact that she's this distraught over Pete of all people after knowing him for, what, three days (in the shows shaky ass time line) and the weakness of the actress (bless her heart, I've loved her in the role before this cycle of episodes) just make for a pretty forgettable mix that I don't really care about. It doesn't carry any emotional weight because it hasn't had any time to really grow. But, you know, ...feel for her :(. Her and Esperanza have a conversation about needing to stay calm (because Esperanza has just struggled with Eddie getting shot). Girl, I would have thrown my baby an early Quincenera if I were you. I would have had the biggest party of the year when Eddie got shot. Esperanza, girl, you tried it. Kelly comes to see what was going on with Natalie and Lushion and tells Esperanza that Natalie can't get the house because she can't afford it by herself if she doesn't want to get the house. But they both really want Lushion and Natalie to work things out.

Esperanza: "Take my advice..." I thought she was going to say "take acting lessons"...

Claudia: "Esperanza, I need the money." Claudia, girl, you're so hip.

Kelly/Esperanza: "Are any of us happy?" "Girl..."

So Faun got a perm and a new face this season and now she thinks she's grown. She takes matters into her own hands when her father, who is also in need of a bevel razor, is having trouble at the Burger joint. She tries to convince him to give Joey and Natalie back their jobs but he only grants Natalie back her job, because his firing of her was without just cause. When she gets into her car, Quan and some other guy (who looks like Randal's half brother, hmmmmm) are watching them because they're going to rob her on Friday. K? Faun continues to take the initiative and convinces Natalie to take the job back at the burger joint. Of course Natalie's black ass always has to be hard headed and agrees to come back, not tomorrow, but the day after tomorrow so she doesn't look too thirsty to get back to work (for a lack of better words). Alright, here's the thing about Faun. Joey is clearly the fuckiest of the fuck boys. He just sees Faun as a listening ear and someone to have sex with when he's bored (and he sounds bored almost all of the time). Faun is actually falling for his light skin shenanigans. It's kind of funny, but at the same time I'm starting to actually like Faun (I can get used to her telling Joey to shut the hell up) so I'm conflicted. Nah, I think Tyler Perry is helping young girls out everywhere who are stuck with fuckboys. Hopefully they see the light. Because all Faun sees right now is the light-skin.

Brad's running around the neighborhood looking for Alex, who looks like she's trying to go into witness protection program with that baby (who almost got them caught with his crying). Ramsey's nosy mom could come in handy right about now. Rusty's drugstore ass just smokes on the front porch (which is where he later overhears Randal proclaiming that he and Alex have a baby together).

All the cops are at the scene of the crime. Lushion is suspicious as hell (which leads to an awesome scene of calling Ben out on all of his horrible lying skills and mismatched lies). Eddie covers for Pete and sends Lushion off before ripping into him (because he's such a dumb ass). In this case, I actually do feel bad for Ben (just a little) because he considered Pete a friend back at the police academy and now he's being punished by Eddie for doing the right thing. Then again, why would I feel bad for him when the only reason he's doing everything Eddie asks of him for drugs? Plus he's such a bad liar. Ben is SUCH a bad liar. He is the definition of a pretty little liar. Eddie tells Ben to "finish it"  before storming off and Ben's dumb ass agrees. Can we swap Ben for Pete? At least he was funny.

-Lol, fuck Steven and Andrew.

-Eddie's lolipop looks more like blood than the kool aid they tossed on Pete last week.

lololololololololololololololololololololol

Also...Randal is helping out the Sopranos. By that I mean the mob, aka Julius' daddy. He wants Randal to help him out or something because he's a psychologist but Randal can't help his damn self, so I don't know what Julius' daddy is thinking but it's clearly not straight. Speaking of Julius, his crazy, apple chewing ass comes by to see if Eddie was the cop who got shot. He apologizes to her, taunts her about Eddie getting shot, then tries to hit on her and tells her that he misses her "sweet ass." Esperanza does her best to read him, but shuts up when he tells her that he's a dirty cop...mostly because she already knows and she's just too dumb to shelve him permanently. Before Julius goes, he tells her to remind Eddie that his father will be dead soon and when he is...oh man. He literally says oh man. "Oh man..." is what I say whenever Julius pops back onto the screen. He's seem to have caught U.C. (unnecessary character) syndrome from Jake Ballard on Scandal.

Julius/Esperanza: "You got me shot." "You look alive and well to me."

-Julius, keep saying karma.

Julius: "Where's your dignity?" Yes, Esperanza. Where? I think we just found a title for Esperanza's segments!

EPISODE GRADE: A-
I mean, shit got good in those last 10 minutes. Shit. Got. GOOD.

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MISS LOUISE (AND MARCIE), FIX MY LIFE

Miss Louise:

"You reap what you sew."

"Does that make it right?"

"It makes me human." "No more human than Marcie."

"Watch your mouth." (x3)

"The laaast word. THat's what's important to you. You throw everything else away so you can have the upperhand."

"You are just like your father." MHM.

"Marcie can just let you die on the streets."

"If you keep this up, I'm going to call and increase your life insurance." AYYYYY MISS LOUISE COME THROUGH.

Marcie:

"He can't hear you, he's blinded by anger. So was I, until this. *points at the baby clothes* This was it." Girl, but you accepted the charge to your credit card. I don't think you understand, he didn't have to buy it. You ACCEPTED the charge.

"I was wasting my breath...when I was telling you I loved you."

"He can dish it out but he can't take it. You can't stand the thought of your woman with another man because you never think she'll cheat. You think it's not possible. You think you can do whatever you want to me and it won't come back to you?" READ. HIM. FOR. BLOOD. MARCIE.

"What I'm not going to do is stay here and allow you to ruin the best years of my life. If I stay with you any longer, I will resist myself the freedom to find what's out there for me." READ. HIM. GIRL.

Randall: "You been watching Fix My Life?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TYLER YOU BEEN READING MY REVIEWS?

LUSHION IS THE BEST

-Eddie wasn't shit this week. He was a bitch and he wasn't funny.

-But LUSHIONNNN, everything he said to Ben.

-"But you don't got no scratches on your knees." (x2)

-"Eddie, remember don't forget your vest." OKAY, LU LU!

"Where's my burger at?" - I think we've officially found a replacement for "Boy, you betta bleach." 

-Joey is like a MySpace nigga, he's not even good enough to be a Twitter nigga at this point. And that impersonation of Natalie? Take it back to Bikini Bottom where it belongs on Nickelodeon.

"Sorry." No, Joey, I'm sorry you're a bitch.

"I don't believe you." Same.

"Lil' girl, please get out my house."